5 Potential Conditions of the Bungie/Activision Divorce

In a surprise missive to both fans and employees, Bungie today announced the end of its Destiny publishing agreement with Activision. Bungie will retain the rights to the Destiny franchise and plans to self-publish from here on out.

“Looking ahead, we’re excited to announce plans for Activision to transfer publishing rights for Destiny to Bungie,” the developer said on its official blog. “With our remarkable Destiny community, we are ready to publish on our own, while Activision will increase their focus on owned IP projects.”

Bungie continued by saying that the hand-off is “already underway in its early stages,” but no details were given about where Destiny would be available in the future, or what this would mean for the form and structure of a Destiny 3, sans Activision’s influence.

Neither party made clear the terms or conditions of the split, which was met with widespread approval by the Destiny community. So! We decided to make ’em up.

Joint Custody of Xûr, Agent of the Nine

Activision Blizzard and Bungie will share joint custody of Xûr, Agent of the Nine, as part of today’s settlement. According to court filings, Xûr will stay with Activision Blizzard Monday through Thursday, and will visit various locations in the Destiny universe Friday through Sunday. The Nine could not be reached for comment as of press time.

Sparrows to Activision, Ships to Bungie

As outlined in the settlement’s allocation of shared assets, Activision will take ownership of the millions of Sparrows in the Destiny universe, while Bungie will retain ownership of the universe’s totality of spaceships. At a recent hearing, Tower shipwright Amanda Holliday said that she would continue to maintain normal operations, regardless of whose name was on the title.

All Ghosts Emancipated

Rather than work to divide custody of the millions of Ghosts that call the Destiny universe home, Activision Blizzard and Bungie came to the highly unorthodox solution of granting emancipation to all Ghosts. Now considered sovereign adults under the law, the Ghosts of the universe are expected to continue their existing indentured servitude arrangements for the foreseeable future.

The Drifter to Assume All Joint Debts

The assigning of shared debt is common practice in divorce proceedings, and today’s settlement revealed that The Drifter will shoulder all joint debt previously owned by Activision Blizzard and Bungie. Typically, existing debt remains under the ownership of one of the original parties involved, but all present for the proceedings — including Tower judge Banshee-44 — agreed that The Drifter should be named culpable for all debt involved in the settlement.

Crash Bandicoot Gains Ownership of All Ahamkara Remains

Is not the wood of this crate thin? Truly, you are not blind to the light that seeps through the knotted boards; the truth that hides in the space between plank and nail. And yet, when broken — when shattered; burned — those fragments of reality extinguish. How can freedom itself be a weapon of destruction? Is the loss of the crate worth the fruit inside?

Does not the blue of this sky look thin, oh bandicoot mine?