It’s Money in the Bank season! While I think Money in the Bank is one of the worst things Chris Jericho did to wrestling, I love briefcases. Sometimes Harley Race has a ton of money in it. Sometimes Mongo McMichael is gonna whack a geek with one. Those are the two good instances of briefcase play I can recall. Briefcases suck.

Money in the Bank season means that WWE’s usual subtlety is even less pronounced, as two briefcases hang perpetually above the ring for wrestlers to point at. Suspended in the sky, those briefcases are the Blue Shell of narrative conceits. You win it, you probably win the title. You’re promised pleasure, you suffer pain by having to take the stupid thing through airport security.

While WWE abandoning Allegiant Stadium for the MGM Grand Garden Arena doesn’t speak to this, Money in the Bank season is favored among the WWE Universe. Singles matches that are normally without purpose suddenly mean something, and the ladder matches at the show itself are full of fun, dangerous spots that will surely live forever.

But screw all of that: I noticed that the women’s Money in the Bank briefcase is smaller than the men’s Money in the Bank Briefcase.

…what the hell is that all about?

It’s 2022, y’all; this is, uh, at least roughly comparable to WWE’s other sexist slights. Some of them. For the sake of this microreview, okay?

It is my opinion, as a progressive woman, that the woman’s Money in the Bank briefcase ought to be as large and hideous as the men’s Money in the Bank briefcase. So far as I’m aware, the contents of the Money in the Bank briefcase are a clipboard and a contract. Should not the woman’s clipboard be equal to the men’s? Is the woman’s contract on smaller paper? In smaller print?

There is only one way that this disparity is at all acceptable, and that is if the larger briefcase represents Allegiant Stadium and the smaller briefcase represents the MGM Grand Garden Arena.

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