We Stan Red Comet, The Chocobo Gamer Slayer

May his reign be long and bloody.

Final Fantasy XIV’s 5.35 patch released on Monday, and players have slowly been coming to the realization that Square Enix has released a monster onto the FFXIV community the likes of which they’ve never seen before: Red Comet. 

Red Comet is a red chocobo, one of the many that can now spawn in Bozjan Southern Front, the new area added by the 5.35 patch. But while all red chocobos are known for their aggressive meteor dropping and ability to flawlessly achieve goose levels of trolling—as seen in Final Fantasy Tactics and Final Fantasy XII—Red Comet is a step above the rest. 

Patch 5.35 has introduced “critical engagements,” which are battles on behalf of the Bozjan Resistance that players can queue into. Some of these battles will pit players against our boy, Red Comet, who is truly a fucking beast. Critical engagements can have dozens of players in them and Red Comet simply does not give a fuck. My new favorite murder bird can drop meteors from the sky to cause devastating damage to the battlefield, and he’s been wiping the floor with players pretty consistently.

Searching Twitter for “red comet” has brought a pretty delightful mix of players lamenting their destruction at RC’s feathery hands, and fanart and memes about the fantasy cassowary. Surprisingly, players who have literally taken on gods and changed the trajectory of the very universe are now getting their asses handed to them by a bird, and no one is the least bit surprised. Instead, it seems players have mostly accepted their fates, with a few putting in the work to document how to actually take the chaotic chocobo down. 

Red Comet is beautifully carrying on the legacy of red chocobos and doing the public service of keeping gamer egos in check by thoroughly besting them on the field of honor. In short, we have no choice but to stan.

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Ty Galiz-Rowe

Ty is your friendly neighborhood Certified Monster Fucker and unapologetic thembo. Catch them wondering why they still live in Colorado despite having zero hiking pics on their tinder profile.

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