My Baldur’s Gate 3 Character is a Dirty, Dirty Man Now

Bring a bucket and a mop, my Baldur’s Gate hero’s filthy.

Baldur’s Gate 3 is a lot prettier now, thanks to a graphical update that’s part of the early access RPG’s latest big patch. At a whopping 60GB, the update brings enhanced textures and effects, breathing new life to Larian Studios’ vision of Faerûn. Every now and then I’ll be caught off guard by new little details like party member Lae’zel’s armor reflecting light. These changes are significant enough that revisiting content I played just a few weeks ago feels worthwhile. However, there’s one new graphical detail that’s so comically distracting that I am putting pen to paper to write about it here. I hope Larian patches in a bathtub, because my character is caked in mud and shit in every cutscene now.

Walking around and fighting in Baldur’s Gate 3 post patch six covers you and your party members in a lovely layer of dirt, not unlike how the Dragon Age series smothers characters in blood and guts after combat encounters. Should you get up close and personal with an enemy, you remain bloodied from the carnage long after the battle. This made for some ridiculous instances where you’d enter fairly innocuous cutscenes dressed in the remains of some poor bastard you just bludgeoned. It’s funny at times, dramatic at others. Thankfully, you can toggle it on and off as you please in Dragon Age. Baldur’s Gate 3 doesn’t adorn my hero with the innards of his enemies, but my man is out here looking like he just took a nosedive down the closest muddy hill or fell on his ass right into a pile of cow shit.

For whatever it’s worth, it’s effective in post-battle scenes. Baldur’s Gate 3 truly shows my warlock’s heroics by making it look like he’s battle-worn after overcoming a group of goblins or mind flayers. However, the filth also appears just from existing in the overworld. Walk through the environment long enough, and your party will accumulate the grit and grime of a person who just mud-wrestled. It’s particularly laughable when you stumble into town, lathered in dirt while everyone else seems freshly showered.

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I went to meet Wyll, my character’s love interest, and he was looking suave and sexy as he helped the local Tieflings train for an upcoming fight. Then here walks in this disaster warlock gay covered head-to-toe in a cascade of grit. Do you know how hard it is to look sexy and heroic in front of your beau-to-be when you look like Augustus Gloop in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory after he took a dip in the chocolate river? It’s very hard.

Will Larian Studios let my Baldur’s Gate 3 hero take a bath? I tried walking into a body of water, but the game wouldn’t let me go for a dip higher than my shins. The only way I’ve found to prioritize my personal hygiene is to go back to camp, where all the dirt covering my man’s bald head is magically pressure washed away. And I suppose unless Larian adds an option to turn it off, he’s gonna just be a filthy, filthy man.

Anyway, if you came here looking for actual serious coverage of Baldur Gate 3’s new patch, you can find that here.