If you’re also one of the many millions of players recently captivated by Mihoyo’s latest cross-platform gacha RPG, Genshin Impact, oh boy do we have something to tell you about your waifus. Whether you’re sticking to playing the game for free, or throwing in hundreds to get your best girls and boys, your mains absolutely have something to say about you.
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Femme Traveler (Lumine)
You are the right choice, the only choice, the obvious choice. You love blowing dandelion seeds in the wind, the smell of sticky honey roasts and long glides along the beach. You’re mysterious, charismatic and capable, and the literal universe knows it, for some reason.
Masc Traveler (Aether)
Oh, uh, didn’t see you there. Nice braid, I guess?
You’re that one girl everyone goes to for advice, since you’re both cute and fun, but also dependable in almost every situation. We love a die-hard reliable waifu. This one just happens to be hot. Literally. Like, on fire, at all times.
You live and breathe idol and mahou energy. Literal incarnation of glitter and positivity and couldn’t hurt a fly. You’re so soft it almost hurts. So does flinging water at your friends, but apparently not in Teyvat.
You are the epitome of “your son calls me Mommy, too.” Who in their right mind thinks it’s a good idea to swing a gigantic, sparky greatsword in high heels? You do, friend, and you’re too powerful for this world. Life is too short to let any object of unusually large size hold you back from achieving your ass-kicking waifu dreams. Live. It. Up.
For as upbeat as your attitude might be, your luck does not match. You harness the ultimate shonen enthusiasm, but not the prowess. That’s okay! We love a flawed hero who makes up for their faults with honesty, perseverance, and a genuine nature. At least you know how to manage your time well and get back up after falling down! Which you do. Often…
You tend to bite off a little more than you can chew sometimes — and try too hard to embody the expectations placed upon you. We can’t all be Cloud Strife or make it into Smash Bros. Keep that chin up, though. Be yourself (and get a smaller sword, for crying out loud).
You like to look tough on the exterior, but on the inside, you’re really just a marshmallow. A total himbo, drinking grape juice from your fancy winery’s wine glasses. We see right through you, your long hair, and fancy wine, big flamey sword man.
What if you took Edgar Allen Poe and cute anime waifus — and smashed them together? This EGL raven babe, that’s who. You’re the Aries of the roster, and won’t tolerate insubordination from even the smallest of Anemo slimes. Your raven summon just so happens to be your best friend, and personal enforcer, however. That’s what we calling “making” friends.
You’re the senpai everyone wants to be noticed by and flings themselves at. You probably even have a secret (a poor secret, really) fanclub hiding behind the pillars of the Knights of Favonious headquarters. Every click of your heels on the marble floors is a sign to those waiting to get slapped in the face by your magnificent ponytail flips. This is the true knighting ceremony.
Give it up for the best boy. We love a man who turns down his familial obligations for civic duty, unlike their vigilante brother. Why be Batman when you can be a literal ice-cold heartthrob. There’s no actual ice in your veins, though. The only cool thing in your life is your vision and your super smooth moves. Wink, wonk.
Well, hello there, purple Pikachu! While much of your swordplay embodies the quiet grace and crispness of ballet, you’re a little too energized for that profession. It might be the Electro vision. On the plus side, you’re petite, poised, and give Sailor Jupiter a run for her money.
You’re the actual embodiment of chaos: small, round, and highly explosive. You’re the kind of person who means for the best in the world, but gets so excited about what you’re doing that things rarely wind up that way. Don’t break Kaeya’s wules. Uwu.
You’re secretly a die-hard dating sim player. As a result, all of your favorite pick-up lines are from otome games. You’re the reason we all feel uncomfortable playing cute waifu games in front of literally anyone, because the dialogue always sounds way more horny than the rest of the experience. Okay… Maybe it actually is kind of that horny. Don’t enjoy this too much.
Just… smite us where we stand. You make the bisexuals’ finger guns quiver in their holsters with your massive brimmed witchy hat. Who else can imprison their partners — I mean enemies — with celestial water cages? Come on! I’d ask you how your day was. I’m not entirely sure why, but you probably also really like Splatoon. Like, really like Splatoon. Woomy.
You constantly have crowds following behind you, begging for you to stab them in the throat with your shoes. You’re the badass side of the Taurean: grounded and firm, but taking zero shit. With a flick of your wrist, all of your enemies are toast, and you’ve actually worked hard for everything you’ve earned. You’re a ridiculously clever entrepreneur. What the public doesn’t know about you is that you have your vices. Perhaps you really, really love sweets — especially creme brûlée.
You’re a public servant because you want to be, not because of antiquated gender roles. Serving people is your passion. Beating up baddies trying to run amok in Mondstadt or elsewhere is just what pays the bills. Everyone thinks you’re super sweet and fragile, but like any dutiful maid, you’re actually a seething ball of rage who would destroy anyone or anything that dares to get near your precious waifus. After which you’ll inform everyone it’s almost time for afternoon tea.
Your blood is made of coffee and you literally cannot be bothered to look alive. Probably because you’re not actually alive. You sure you’re not a grad student? You might be a grad student. Have you checked? I’m so sorry.
Sweet and earnest, you just want to do what’s right by your family and friends. All earnest country bumpkins do. Your favorite color is hunter orange, and all of your basics are camo. You’re a little awkward when it comes to communicating, but your happy place is outdoors, taking down 30-50 feral hogs each day.
You would die for your book collection, and everyone you know would die for you. Like your namesake, you’re as sweet as sugar. Perhaps your entire existence is just cotton candy. All we really know is that we’d love to pet your anthropomorphic ears and give you some head pats, you sweet little alchemist, you. Say hello to Ryza for us.
You’re the gender-ambiguous friend of your group, just going with the flow of the wind and having a good time. Maybe a glass of dandelion wine here, taming a dragon there. You know, normal day to day stuff. Who needs labels? Not you. The counterweight to this sweet energy is that you’re a giant ball of unpredictability. Be gay, do crimes.
What do you have? A spear!? No! You’re baby and your fiery hammy matches your equally explosive personality to a T. You’re experimental, creative, and sometimes a little too energetic for your own good, but it’s all charming. The reality is, though, you’re totally the art student who finishes their final project three hours before critique. Somehow you still pass with flying colors by explaining things away with wonderful interpretations (that you make up on the spot).
You tend to push people away, but it’s only because you’re afraid of rejection. Like the Adepti, you’re far too wise for your age, and have been burned too bad by others to feel safe being vulnerable. Understandable really; humans are pretty awful.
Never judge a book by its cover. You’re the kind of person who always has your nose deep in a book, and your favorite scent in the world is vanillin tinged with ink. But, you don’t let your favorite stories distract you from what’s really important: staying true to your values and protecting the people you care for. So many problems can be solved by slinging a water sword at a Fatui, you know? Yeah, you know.