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Wrestling Fans Who Yell "Grab His Dick and Twist It!": A Review

I think my ability to understand other people who like wrestling (I guess? Do they like the great sport of professional wrestling?) is shot.

I’ve seen a fair amount of live wrestling recently. In June, I went to Forbidden Door in Chicago and the Blood and Guts Dynamite in Detroit. Last night, I was in Savannah, Georgia for Dynamite. I’ve seen three other AEW shows besides, and between all six of them, they’ve had one thing in common: some little freak getting out of his chair to shout “Grab his dick and twist it!”

Look, I know there is nothing more navel-gazey genre of post than the live show report, but this is six shows in two years. Next week in Decatur will probably make seven. It doesn’t matter where I sit, it doesn’t matter who is wrestling. As soon as the crowd is quiet, some mutant will rise up, cup his sweaty hands around his mouth, and ask one wrestler to twist the other’s dick.

Ostensibly, this video is why:

Which, look, I try to be an ally, but white dude humor frequently escapes me. I don’t get this. I don’t get a lot of shit people say while they’re watching wrestling. I especially do not get this. Some drunk dude yells “Grab his dick and twist it!” at an MMA fighter, another dude pretends shock, and now I’m doomed to hear someone yell “Grab his dick and twist it!” at Sting? AT THE MAN CALLED STING?

This is worse than “BOTH THESE GUYS!” chants. Hell, it’s worse than “FIGHT FOREVER!” Not to take this too seriously, but the dude yelling “Grab his dick and twist it!” at a guy who is going to eat a hundred brainbusters for the pleasure of said dick twist dude is the worst person in the arena. Worse than the dude who spit on my Nikes last night. Worse than the guy who somehow kept obstructing my front row view. Worse than the gentleman who kept looking at me before looking away to do a Chris Benoit thumb slit gesture. Worse than the man who smelled like a Planet Fitness and was wearing a muscle tee to show off his steroid acne.

That’s all the same guy! I hate the dick twist guy more! I’m trying to see Keith Lee do a dive, asshole, not listen to you get your jollies by publicly declaring that the idea of one man touching another man’s dick is funny. It’s not funny! I mean, it can be, but for the most part that shit is wonderful, except in sports like wrestling.

In sports like wrestling that’s a disqualification, you dunce.


About the Author

Colette Arrand

Colette Arrand is a minor transsexual poet and nu-metal enthusiast.