All This and Unlimited Ice Cream: AEW Dynamite Recap at Sea

AEW ran a show on a boat, y’all. In the grand tradition of wrestling at malls, junkyards, motorcycle rallys, military bases, nightclubs, and New York City subway stations, last night’s Dynamite was part of the festivities at Chris Jericho’s Rock ‘n Wrestling Rager at Sea Part Deux: Second Wave, on tape delay from a cruise ship docked in Nassau. I love unique set-ups, and Dynamite was not a disappointment. Held on the pool deck, there was less space for the ring than usual, as the fans crowded the ring. It was great, just a totally different look for wrestling on TV, breaking up the monotony of samey arenas. It sure beat the hell out of last week’s fake beach.

AEW

AEW World Tag Team Championships: Kenny Omega & “Hangman” Adam Page def. SCU (c)

At long last, my dream of seeing less of SCU has come to fruition. The story here is that Hangman Page feels like he’s the worst person in the Elite, who has taken to drink to endure the 45 minute conversations about Street Fighter that teaming with Kenny Omega entails. This had a big match feel, and pulled a convincing swerve in not ending with Page and Omega’s miscommunication. This is the first time a championship has changed hands in AEW, and it felt weighty and consequential. Completely worthwhile.

GRADE: Yeah!

AEW

Britt Baker def. Priscilla Kelly

The first time Chris Jericho ran a show on a boat, he promoted it by saying that, with 35% of the registrants being women, there’d be a lot of bikinis. That has nothing to do with this match, it’s just one of my favorite tweets. Britt’s mad because she isn’t the champion, and Priscilla is just now making her singles match debut. It felt like there was a lot of miscommunication between the two, but it still managed to tell its story about Baker wrestling a meaner style the more frustrated she gets with her place in the rankings. Now her Mouth Stuff submission isn’t just gross, it’s also mean.

GRADE: Eh.

Promo: Tony Schiavone hits the ring to congratulate Britt but he’s a real baby about Britt using the ropes during the match, so Britt drags Tony in a Real Housewives on ambien way. It’s delicious, as what starts out as an uninspired rip on Tony’s employment history spirals out of control as Britt talks about how inspiring it is for him to have a job. Then she starts talking about herself, dropping “I’m a dentist” like someone who just called a manager. Almost at the level of Nikki Bella telling Brie she wished she died in the womb.

AEW

Chris Jericho, Santana, and Ortiz def. Jurassic Express

It’s been reported that AEW is kicking around the idea of a six-man tag championship. A six man title would work well with how AEW features no shortage of regular, three man stables. That might be the best thing for groups like Jurassic Express, whose popularity outstrips the company’s ability to capitalize upon it. Against Jericho, Santana, and Ortiz, they’re never a serious threat. It’s fine, but it doesn’t manage to capitalize on Jungle Boy sticking with Jericho for 10 minutes, and the issue seems closed. The crowd singing Judas to Jericho ruled, though.

Grade: Yeah.

More Pro Wrestling:

AEW

MJF def. Joey Janella

Everybody has wrestlers that just don’t click for them, and MJF and Joey Janella are two of mine. MJF is so loud and one-note, and I’m being asked to spend a lot of time with him at the moment. He and Janella do their thing until Kip Sabian and Penelope Ford decide to make out in front of the Bad Boy. Chicks, man.

Grade: Yeah.

AEW

Promo: MJF compliments Cody Rhodes on his ability to string words together and says he’ll be the last chapter in Cody’s book. That brings the man out, and Cody weathers MJF’s petty bullshit. Cody doesn’t have anything inspirational to say this week, just that his inability to touch MJF doesn’t preclude the Young Bucks superkicking him and throwing him into pool for him. They should have had Cody get whipped on a boat.

Promo: Adam Page and Kenny Omega are hanging out with Tony Schiavone, and Tony disrespects the Hangman. Tony wants to talk about Omega vs. Pac. Adam Page looks like he’d rather die than listen to this, then the Bucks show up and he starts looking for the exit. He insults his pals by saying he got the titles before they did. Hangman is wearing an open denim jacket with no shirt, 11/10 segment.

AEW

Jon Moxley def. Pac

This match was to determine the number one contender to Chris Jericho’s AEW World Championship, and Mox is wearing an eyepatch after getting stabbed in the eye by the Inner Circle. Pac works on that eye the whole time, and it rules. Like, at one point Pac manages to do a jawbreaker on Mox’s eye, the first time I’ve seen anything like that. Mox’s eye injury is kayfabe, but Pac is probably the smartest wrestler on the AEW roster, so his work on Mox’s eye is good and convincing. He loses by virtue of not being the guy who needs to resolve getting stabbed in the goddamn eye, but it takes two Paradigm Shifts to do it. Mox has a thankless task, wrestling with impaired vision, but he and Pac make this a legit big match, worthy of a noble sealiner.

Grade: Yeah!

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Colette Arrand

Colette Arrand is a minor transsexual poet and nu-metal enthusiast.

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