Everything I Did in the Time It Took Ubisoft to Announce Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla

It was a lot of time to kill.

Today Ubisoft held a roughly eight-hour stream to announce Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla. The stream was a timelapse of the creation of some key, and was concluded by an announcement that the world premiere trailer isn’t coming out until tomorrow. You truly hate to not see it, y’all.

While it wasn’t a 24-hour stream like companies like Nintendo thought was a good idea, it’s still an extremely long-winded way of going about announcing your game. So while this stream was playing in the background all day, I documented all the things I was able to do between the beginning of the stream at 8 a.m. Eastern Time to its conclusion at 4 p.m. Eastern Time.

  1. Woke up.
  2. Fell out of bed.
  3. Dragged a comb across my head (my beard, to be specific. I do not have any hair).
  4. Let my dog out.
  5. Put food in her bowl.
  6. Showered.
  7. Brushed my teeth.
  8. Let my dog back in.
  9. Checked my Animal Crossing: New Horizons turnip prices and they were Not Great.
  10. Scrolled through Twitter and saw no less than two (2) poorly veiled spoilers for The Last of Us: Part II because people falsely think they’re slick.
  11. Wrote about AMC burning bridges with Universal out of spite for Trolls: World Tour’s digital success.
  12. Had a depressive moment about the state of things.
  13. Read some reviews for Streets of Rage 4, which is out tomorrow on PC, PlayStation 4, Xbox One, and Nintendo Switch.
  14. Checked Twitter for any fan art of Honey Bee Inn owner Andrea Rhodea from Final Fantasy VII Remake, to no avail. (Who do I have to throw money at to get any art of this man? I am a sad man with a stimulus check).
  15. Regretted not starting a listen through of the Fanbyte Final Fantasy VII Remake spoilercast, which would have taken up two hours of this entire thing.
  16. Queue up for damage role in Overwatch and found several matches despite queue times being notoriously awful.
  17. Ate breakfast because that’s not a thing I did this morning.
  18. Checked my turnip prices again because it was officially p.m. here on the east coast and they were still bad.
  19. Edited an entire podcast.
  20. Wrote about Dying Light’s new DLC.
  21. Coughed enough times that I got worried enough to check COVID-19 symptoms despite having had next to no opportunities to catch it in the past month and a half.
  22. Published that podcast I edited.
  23. Did a full Ring Fit Adventure workout.
  24. Showered.
  25. Engaged in retail therapy by buying expensive as hell Pokemon shirts.
  26. Booted up Animal Crossing: New Horizons for the sole purpose of crafting a table and mailing it to my brother-in-law.
  27. Pulled a “Ben Affleck smoking” when I realized the premiere trailer isn’t coming out until tomorrow.

In other news:

Whelp…guess I’ll see y’all tomorrow at 11 a.m. Eastern/8 a.m. Pacific when the trailer actually does go live.