Why Won’t Epic Games Put Grunkle Stan in Fortnite?

The Gravity Falls character should be in Fortnite and everyone is saying so.

For the past few weeks, I have been engaging in a campaign to get Disney executives to put Great Uncle Stan — from the 2012-2016 Disney Channel TV show Gravity Falls — into Fornite.

This started as a whim. I had been rewatching Gravity Falls with my partner, who had never seen it before. The animated show is a comedic serial mystery, which starts off episodic and slowly unfolds the mystery surrounding the titular Oregon town of Gravity Falls as you go through. The character of Stan, known by his nephew and niece as Grunkle Stan, is a cantankerous old conman that runs an egregiously fake paranormal tourist spot in the woods. He also hates teenagers and loves punching.

During this rewatch, I tweeted out “Put Grunkle Stan in Fortnite.” Much like anything I tweet, this had no thought behind it and no follow up. But people started liking it and I realized, hey, wait, Grunkle Stan SHOULD be in Fortnite! He is at least as deserving as Armored Batman or Daredevil. So I started retweeting this every so often. This became a movement.

At a party recently, I cornered a Disney executive who does this sort of thing and said I plan to start @ing them on Twitter until Grunkle Stan gets added to Fortnite. They told me there were two potential issues: number one, whether Grunkle Stan could use a gun.

This, I think, is not a problem. Stan has stated that ladders are more dangerous than a loaded gun, thus he owns ten guns to keep anyone with a ladder out of the house.

So, Stan owns guns.

The second issue is that it’s not actually Disney’s call, Epic needs to want this. That problem is a little harder to solve. I have the emails of people connected to Epic Games — including its CEO, though I’m not sure why I have that — but sending an unsolicited email telling them to put in Grunkle Stan seems like it would burn a few bridges. So the second option is instead to write an article about it.

Ergo, Epic, I must ask: why are you so scared to put Grunkle Stan in Fortnite? Are you afraid it’s going to make TOO MUCH money? That it will overwhelm your payment processors? That’s a legitimate fear, but I must persuade you to get over this. The world needs Grunkle Stan with an “I Eat Kids” glider coming down to shoot Aquaman with a sniper rifle. It’s important.

I await your earliest possible response.