If this were the best of all possible universes, Jigglypuff would be real. It’s not, obviously, for thousands of brand new reasons each day, but that won’t stop humanity from trying to emulate what that reality might be like. ThinkGeek, now a fully-integrated subsidy of Gamestop, has filed a Bluetooth-enabled Jigglypuff speaker with the FCC, and thus has the FCC released the paperwork, as required by law. Now, after 20 years, sad people like me can finally realize our dream of being sung to sleep by the only pink orb baby that truly understands what it feels like to be this astoundingly bitter.
Based on the scanned user manual included in the FCC documents, Jigglypuff is (roughly) five-and-a-half inches in diameter, give or take the ears and/or their little feetsies. There’s a micro-USB port on the backside for recharging the built-in 2,000 mAh lithium-ion battery, which claims a battery life of four to 10 hours, depending on “volume, charge and connection.” There’s also a 3.5 mm headphone jack for wired connections, an on/off switch, an LED to communicate charge status, and three buttons on top of their precious little head for controlling playback.
That’s all great, but the most important part of any speaker is, well, the speaker. Jigglypuff has a single 52 mm driver from Massive Audio, which makes a wide range of amplifiers, subwoofers, tweeters, and other premium audio components for cars and boats. Before you get too excited though, Massive Audio also operates a sister brand called Fametek, which makes Bluetooth speakers that look like nerd junk, such as the original Enterprise from Star Trek, Doctor Who‘s TARDIS, or the Star Trek communicator badge, which ThinkGeek has sold previously.
Simply put, I wouldn’t expect Jigglypuff to sound all that great by Actual Speaker Standards™, but it’s probably fine by Toy Speaker Standards™. The user manual lists a frequency range of 500Hz — 20Khz, which means that you’re gonna be getting mostly mids and trebles, and little (if any) bass. For comparison, the frequency range of the JBL Clip 3 — a $50 portable single-driver Bluetooth speaker — is 120Hz — 20kHz, meaning that it can produce sounds that are 380Hz below the lowest sound possible for the Jigglypuff speaker, ergo, better bass response. All that said, it’s probably fine for playing the actual Jigglypuff song from you phone, or for listening to Pokemon-themed ASMR.
Gamestop hasn’t officially announced the Jigglypuff speaker yet, so it doesn’t exist on the official Gamestop ThinkGeek portal. This means there’s no word on when it’ll become available or for how much, but we can be pretty confident that it will become available at some point. Unlike patents, which companies file to cover their butts whenever they come up with something original, manufacturers only go through the trouble of paying for FCC compliance verification when they actually intend to produce and sell the thing.
Based on the pricing of the other stuff that Fametek makes, I’d anticipate this little dude to go for like, $50? At least? I’d love to be wrong about that though, because this guy looks kinda rough in the pictures provided by the FCC. It’s possible that this isn’t the final mass-produced model, and that the finished product will have less cheapy-looking plastic and cleaner seams, but I wouldn’t pay more than like, $35 for this as is.