The “Bodyguard” Exchange Between Blachowicz and Adesanya: A Review

After Jan Blachowicz and Israel Adesanya finished their title fight at UFC 259, one man offered his bodyguard services to the other.

Have you ever stopped to think about what it would be like to live in a terrible world where Israel Adesanya is no longer undefeated and where every single ladybug is capybara-sized thus turning once-beloved creatures into horrific beasts?

The bad news is that, as of Saturday’s UFC 259 dual-title bid opposite fellow champion Jan Blachowicz, Adesanya is no longer unbeaten in MMA. The good news is that not only do ladybugs remain very much ladybug-sized, but that, as far as losses go, things could have been worse. Adesanya remains, for instance, champion of his own middleweight division. There is really no shame in losing to a heavier, notoriously powerful competitor. There was nary an orbital, tibia or mandible gone visibly astray during the encounter. We got to keep the delightful, seemingly unproblematic Blachowicz as champ.

Also, this:

In it, the fighters have a very cute post-fight miscommunication, where Blachowicz offers to become Adesanya’s bodyguard

No, my friend, your senses do not fool you. Not satisfied with being two of the coolest guys on the UFC’s roster, Blachowicz and Adesanya were kind enough to gift us this brief, yet narratively intricate piece of Beckett-ian dialogue following their five-round title fight. And we, as not quite as cool but still cool enough people, were kind enough to review it.

ufc 259 blachowicz and adesanya

The post-fight exchange between Jan Blachowicz and Israel Adesanya

9.7

A (funny, inoffensive, warm-hearted) miscommunication between two of the toughest fighters in the UFC led to a beautiful offer of protection between one man and the other. It was wonderful.

Pros
  • Wholesome
  • Heartwarming
  • Beautiful
  • Complete narrative arc (setup, confrontation, resolution)
  • Amazing
  • Briefly transports us into a world in which Adesanya hasn’t lost
  • Lesson in communication & the triumph of the human spirit
  • Remember that one time when Blachowicz couldn’t remember the word for "plumber" and described it as “that thing that Mario and Luigi do”?
  • Great concept for action movie
  • Great concept for sitcom
  • Great concept for graphic novel
  • Great concept for uncomfortably exploitative and unnecessarily long original Netflix documentary series
  • Allegoric & transcendental
  • Might just be the salvation of humankind
Cons
  • Finite
  • Possibly a figment of our collective imagination
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