The 2019 Game Awards: A Review


The 2019 Geoff Keighley Game Awards by Geoff Keighley


The longest commercial in the video game industry returned for an extensive night of reveals, re-reveals, re-un-reveals, live music, """""live""""" music, and Linus Fucking Tech Tips.

  • Karl Marx got thanked live on-stage
  • At least we're not teabagging people anymore like in the Spike TV Days
  • Everyone in the orchestra had extremely good hair, including Pipe Guy, Dad Singing in a Foreign Language, and Scream Man 2020
  • Fewer drunk people given microphones
  • Still two hours too long
  • Still just one big commercial with no emphasis put on (or space given to) the people who make games
  • Someone let Elon Musk sit next to Ikumi Nakamura
  • Blazers with T-Shirts in 2019
  • Show still just can't decide what it wants to be, other than a paycheck for Geoff Keighley
  • Fewer drunk people given microphones

Jordan Mallory

Jordan Mallory has spent more than a decade in the games industry and is now severely ill-equipped to work in other fields as a result. Right now he's eating generic Frosted Flakes out of a red party cup and wondering why he chose to rewrite his bio at 5:31 a.m.

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