Fireworks: A Review




Twice a year, American communities join together to make as much noise as possible in the least safe way.

  • Objectively pretty
  • Setting things on fire is fun
  • Making things explode is even more fun
  • Good opportunity to teach fire safety to kids
  • Loud as hell
  • Scares millions of dogs every year
  • 5,600 estimated fireworks-related injuries sustained in 2018 according to CPSC
  • Mean kids with access to fireworks do some real fucked up stuff to frogs
  • Might actually just be gunfire if you live in certain places
  • It's 4 a.m. please go to bed

Jordan Mallory

Jordan Mallory has spent more than a decade in the games industry and is now severely ill-equipped to work in other fields as a result. Right now he's eating generic Frosted Flakes out of a red party cup and wondering why he chose to rewrite his bio at 5:31 a.m.

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