Eggs are often very useful in video games. You can use them to cook in Breath of the Wild, sell them for money and affection in Stardew Valley, and even use them to create death-defying elixirs in Tales of Berseria. However, there are also eggs that are not so helpful, eggs that can be so bad as to put you off your omelette if you think about them. Eggs that, to be blunt, should be thrown out of their egg-home at an early age because all they deserve in life is to be scrambled.
These are those eggs.
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Dr Eggman (Sonic the Hedgehog)
Despite the name, there is zero reason for Dr Robotnik’s nickname to be Eggman. As a fan of Sonic, it really infuriates me. Sure, I’ve seen the excuses that it’s because his body is shaped like an egg, but I think that’s the biggest reach I’ve seen. The only real reason I’ll allow is that he was always called Eggman in Japan.
Even if I take onboard the fact that, in a non-canon UK Sonic comic, Eggman became how he is due to him merging with a rotten egg, I’m still not convinced he should be called an egg. And even if I am somehow convinced, he’d be a smelly, nasty one all the same.
Spider Eggs (Skyrim)
The actual nerve of Bethesda to ask me to smack the web outta some spiders, then think after that huge bout with arachnophobia, I’d want to put some spider eggs in my pocket for what, alchemy?
While the spider eggs in Skyrim are actually very useful for creating potions, the fact of the matter is that they are bloody spider eggs and you should not be stuffing them in your jerkin.
Have you ever seen those videos of spider eggs hatching and a million tiny spiders crawling out in a bid for freedom? Imagine that in your fantasy bodice. You’d have to throw away your entire character and reroll. That one’s covered in spiders now.
Eggbear (Tales of Vesperia)
Let me ask you something: does this look like an egg to you? What part of this monstrosity has anything to do with eggs? Literally nothing about it is an egg, which by definition makes it one of the worst eggs in history.
You can’t cook it, and the only way to attract it is to find a flower that smells like farts. I don’t know about you, but all I need to do is go to my local corner shop and grab a carton of eggs and then leave — all in the space of five minutes. I don’t need to find a farting flower.
Eggs (Life is Strange)
Life is Strange fans will remember that in Episode 3, Chloe’s mom Joyce asks you to fetch some eggs to help make breakfast. Easier said than done.
See, Joyce is not a reasonable adult who keeps her eggs in the kitchen. She hid them so well that folks took to forums to ask where those yolky babies were. I briefly wondered if I had to actually go into the yard and steal two eggs from a mother bird in order to move on with the story.
In fact, it got so bad that in the end, DontNod Entertainment actually moved the eggs from their original place, in a brown bag by the front door because that is, of course, where you store eggs, and put them in the kitchen.
It made finding the eggs easier, but also sparked a conversation on where the hell Americans are storing their eggs.
Solas (Dragon Age: Inquisition)
First of all, I’d like to apologize to everyone I’ve disappointed by putting this egghead in the list. Unfortunately, it had to be done.
Not only does Solas look like an egg version of Nicholas Cage, but after the events of Dragon Age: Inquisition’s DLC, Trespasser, he deserves to be smashed like one too. It’s one thing to plan genocide against everyone in Thedas, but to do so while banging the main character? Not cool, dude.
Did I mention that he’s the elf version of Judas? Yeah. Despite Solas having weirdly attractive cheekbones, this guy is very much up for ending the world, even if he just finished saving it a few years ago. He just can’t seem to make his mind up, and is also a pretty big xenophobic asshole.
Fortunately, he’s become a bit of a meme in the Dragon Age fandom and is known by some — not me of course — as Solas Dark’ness Bald Fenharel Way. That makes him a little more bearable.
In the great words of Shakespeare:
While Exeggcute are super adorable to look at, they are actually aren’t all that nice. Sure, you can argue that they stick together and are the best of pals, but one of them has its brains hanging out for everyone to see.
If you were my mate and your brain was hanging out, I just wouldn’t ignore it. I’d tell you about it. Maybe even get you to a doctor, who knows. But the rest of these lot? Nah, they seem pretty content to just let that poor cracked egg suffer.
What’s worse is that, apparently, they aren’t even eggs — they’re seeds. It makes sense when looking at what Exeggcute evolves into — some kind of mutant tree — but what kind of nonsense is this? You pick up this egg, throw it in the pan and end up burning some seeds instead?
Rubbish, 0/10, worst egg ever.