Monster Factory Movies That Need To Exist Immediately

In a cultural climate where remakes, sequels, and reboots are the name of the game, it’s almost impossible to find viable intellectual property. Most beloved characters are already owned by someone, whether that’s Disney, Marvel (owned by Disney), or Fox (owned by Disney). Wandering through this wasteland, a light emerges: The popular video series Monster Factory, in which Justin and Griffin McElroy stretch the bounds of video game character creation engines to generate beautiful, horrible beings.

The episodes themselves are hilarious and worth watching if you haven’t seen them, but more importantly, they represent years worth of original intellectual property lying around collecting dust. Why create something if you aren’t going to wring it out for all it’s worth? With that in mind, we here at Monster Factory Movie Studio are here to pitch takes on some extant Monster Factory characters. Please, get in touch.

8 Simple Rules For Dating My Serrated Daughter

In this instant-classic, heartwarming family sitcom, Knife Dad (John Goodman) lays out some basic guidelines for any boys bold enough to ask out his daughter, Knife Dad’s Gay Daughter (Chloe Grace Moretz), on a trip to the whetting wheel. Those rules are tested, however, when Knife Dad’s Gay Daughter takes a liking to local bad girl Cameron Esposito (Cameron Esposito), who just so happens to be the daughter of Steven Jenkins (Jack McBrayer), Knife Dad’s longtime rival in the annual chili cook-off and the guy who coined the phrase “bringing a knife to a gunfight.” The humor is, shall we say, cutting.

23 Jump Street

Move over, Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum! A new, new drug has taken over the high schools of America, and the only cop who can stop it is Zeke Teenweed (David Spade).

Enter The #NOID

Visionary director Gaspar Noé continues to explore his long-standing fascination with death, psychedelia, and the nature of reality, this time in the competitive world of pizza delivery. Local Domino’s hotshot Steven Jenkins (Jack McBrayer) goes about his daily route, but discovers that something is wrong — his pizzas are missing. A mysterious red figure appears every time Steven looks at his phone, cans of Mountain Dew spontaneously combust, and the walls start to look like Louie Anderson (Louie Anderson). Reality is collapsing. Any way you slice it, Steven has one question on his mind: What is #NOID?

Strawberry Pam

This is a transmission from the fourteenth deadworld. Please, if anyone is listening, prepare yourselves. She is coming. She is already here.

The Wrestler 2: Book of Job

In this follow-up to Darren Aronofsky’s examination of aging and artistic commitment, Mickey Rourke returns as Randy “The Ram” Robinson, consigned to his hospital bed in the wake of the catastrophic final match in the previous film. Randy, now a coach, has taken on a protege — The Pebble, a misbegotten clone of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson played by Andy Serkis in a stunning motion capture performance largely based on the physics of Gumby. As The Pebble prepares to take on his hated rival Steven Jenkins (Jack McBrayer), The Rock finally comes back from a decades-long business trip, forcing The Pebble to choose between his two wrestling dads.

Nasty Crime Boy

Rookie Brooklyn detective Steven Jenkins (Jack McBrayer) undergoes an experimental medical procedure, altering his hair, body, and face in order to go deep undercover in the notorious Third Street Saints gang. Jenkins discovers that, as an unintended consequence of the regimen that transformed him into the powerful, intimidating, and uncomfortably erotic Trüllbus The Crime Eater (Brendan Fraser), he is now physiologically incapable of doing crimes, and must bluff his way through the ranks of the gang while staying on the straight and narrow.

Be Cooler

In this long-awaited sequel to Get Shorty and Be Cool, gangster-turned-media industry professional Chili Palmer (John Travolta) finds himself managing a stable of unruly young social media influencers along with his harried assistant, Steven Jenkins (Jack McBrayer). One such influencer, unparalleled in his viral kick videos, simply goes by the name Adult Cool (Timothee Chalamet) — and he bears a striking, familial resemblance to Chili.

He’s Garret!

Everyone’s talking about how kid golfing sensation Garret (Danny DeVito) appeared out of nowhere to win the Ryder Cup, the Masters, and the U.S. Open. But that’s because he literally did appear out of nowhere: Garret is secretly an alien, sent to observe life on Earth by navigating the links. Eventually, he finds a home with classic American family, the Joneses — until his home planet comes calling in the form of his no-nonsense superior, S73V3N J3NK1N5 (voiced by Jack McBrayer). Caught between his world of origin and his beloved sport of ball chess, what will Garret choose?

Vicktorious

From Ryan Coogler, the acclaimed director of Creed and Black Panther, comes the story of an athlete who just wouldn’t quit. Turbojanet (Beanie Feldstein), raised in isolation on an idyllic, secluded island, learns about the legacy of her Olympic athlete grandmother Turbovicki (Beanie Feldstein) and, with the help of retired coach Steven Jenkins (Jack McBrayer) decides to carry on the family name. Turbojanet will avenge her grandmother’s untimely death by defeating Dick Cheney (Christian Bale) in watersports… and, with enough guts and hard work, she’ll surpass the gods themselves.

Don’t Dunk So Close To Me

Coming off the smash success of Bohemian Rhapsody, it’s time for another glossy biopic of an ’80s musical icon. In this case, that’s Sting (Mike Myers), a loosely fictionalized version of Tantric rock legend Sting. Don’t Dunk So Close To Me will dig deep into the life and times of Sting — his early career as an English teacher, his groundbreaking work as part of The Police with Andy Summers (Mike Myers), Stewart Copeland (Mike Myers), and Steven Jenkins (Jack McBrayer), and, in a series of unbelievable revelations based on new material unearthed from the Sting archives, his secret basketball career playing under the alias “Stang,” better known as Larry Bird.

Todd Phillips’ JUNKER

Monster Factory Studios is NSFW.

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