The internet’s dying right now. Facebook? Down. Twitter? Down. WhatsApp? Also down. Slack?
Okay well Slack isn’t down (make you think) but if you are trying to go online right now, chances are that the website is sick. Don’t fret, though – I’ve come up with a list of things that you can do instead of going on Facebook and “researching the vaccine.”
1. Go touch some fucking grass
You heard of the outside? It’s so much better than online. The sun is out there. It’s got trees. No tree is going to try to convince you that you’re a racist because you said that you didn’t like Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. It rules.
2. Fold your laundry
You started the laundry on Saturday evening, then got high and said “I’ll just do it tomorrow.” Tomorrow came and you played Halo all day instead of folding your laundry, so now your clean clothes are on your living room chair, on top of your dog’s crate, and in the dryer. Fold those clothes so people don’t think you’re some sort of child. The above image is an example that I made in the 3D rendering program Maya. It is just an example and not a photo of my own house.
3. Make sure the milk in your fridge isn’t expired
When was the last time you looked at the expiration date on your milk? Go open your fridge and twist that bad boy open. Take a goooooooooood whiff of that cow juice. How’s it smell? Fine? Okay, good. You never know! Sometimes you’re like “well, time to make some cereal!” and then you go to open the milk and it’s a week out of date because you don’t have a consistent eating schedule. (If your milk is expired please dump it out and get new milk. Also, just because it’s not cow’s milk doesn’t mean that almond/soy/oat milk doesn’t expire. Check that shit.)
4. Listen to a podcast on the Fanbyte Podcast Network
lmao got your ass, this piece has an advertisement in it. We have great podcasts in all of the big genres. Want some games talk? We’ve got Channel F. Do you want comedy? Listen to Friends Reunion. News? John’s got you covered with Thanks For The Knowledge. I promise you’ll like them. If you don’t, shut up!
5. Read an article on Fanbyte dot com
You’re already here, just click on another one.
6. Start a long term project that you will only work on when a website goes down
The internet is frail now. All it takes for the three biggest websites on the web to go down is some dude in an Amazon shirt moving an .ini file to the wrong folder. This will only happen more frequently as time moves forward, so you should choose a hobby or project that you will do instead of working or whatever. Can I interest you in chinese yo-yos?
7. Call a friend
When was the last time you spoke on the phone with your 4th closest friend? Call them right now. They’re also probably not doing anything right now because their workplace has begun to rely too heavily on services that they can’t control. Tell them what you did this weekend, and ask them what they’re having for dinner.
8. Go on TikTok
The only good social network is still up, so you can still go watch this, the best Tiktok of the last two months.
@yojairyjaimeeTop 5 Stephen A. Smith moments ???? #espn #stephenasmith #kwamebrown #lakers #fyp #foryou♬ original sound – 2gunnnz
9. Find something cool to make for dinner
I picked up Molly Baz’s cookbook and it’s got a bunch of bangers in it. I think I’m going to make her “Supremely Creamy Tomato & Cheddar Soup” this week. It looks so damn good. If you don’t want to pick up that book (idk why you wouldn’t, it’s great), there’s a similar recipe on some website called *checks notes* “Bon Appetit” by someone named *checks other notes* “Claire Saffitz” and styled by *checks a third, different set of notes* Molly Baz. Huh. Imagine if a publication had a star studded cast of chefs and personalities! Ah, well. Anyway!
10. Look at this horse