Yup, everybody is still thinkin’ about Apex Legends, the new free-to-play battle royale shooter set in Respawn Entertainment’s Titanfall universe. I’ll be the first to admit that I didn’t have high hopes for this thing when it was announced. A Titanfall game with no giant robots or wall-running? How could that possibly be good?
Turns out there’s a lot more charm to the Titanfall aesthetic than just its mech suits, though. After spending some time with Apex Legends‘ eight titular characters, I don’t care one bit about the game’s lack of jetpack-enhanced mobility. Bangalore, Bloodhound, and pals(?) are surprisingly endearing — especially considering how little background information is currently available in the very new game.
I like them so much, in fact, that I figure I can accurately surmise each character’s coffee order — based solely on the details presently available and my well-honed instincts. Somebody from Respawn can get in touch and let me know if I got anything wrong.
Bangalore (Anita Williams)
Order: Cup of house blend, one sugar
Bangalore lives the life of a soldier. She doesn’t have time for complicated drinks that require a lot of preparation. She also knows that too much caffeine can be a bad thing, especially when trying to keep a steady bead on a target. Never mind the fact that coffee stimulates the large intestine, which is… not a problem you want to have in the middle of an already-tense battlefield situation. Add one sugar to take the edge off.
Mysterious and unstoppable, Bloodhound is a tracker of unmatched skill and tenacity. They strike me as someone who understands nature and exists as part of it, out of both necessity and respect, rather than a trophy hunter out for an ecologically destructive thrill. They’re someone who would enjoy a steaming hot gourd of mate.
Mate is brewed by steeping dried yerba mate leaves in very hot — but not boiling — water. It’s traditionally done inside of a calabash gourd. A special metal straw called a bombilla filters the drink as it is consumed, which typically happens in a setting of social communion. While high in caffeine (perfect for Bloodhound’s speed boost ability), mate‘s buzz is more prolonged and consistent than that of coffee. The drink is also rich in vitamin B and C. It’s even higher in antioxidants than green tea! From a taste perspective, though, it’s a little like licking a tree.
Caustic (Alexander Nox)
Order: Nestlé® Pure Life® bottled water
Before the Apex Games, Nox was a gifted biological engineer working for Humbert Labs, a Frontier pesticides manufacturer. His obsession with creating new and more effective poisons led him to conduct his own experiments in secret. The problem is that they were on living subjects. When eventually confronted by the head of Humbert Labs, Nox torched the place, killed his boss, and joined the Apex Games as Caustic.
It tracks, then, that his favorite drink would be an ice-cold bottle of Nestlé® Pure Life® water, the production of which has caused considerable damage to the environment and impoverished communities. What could be more poisonous?
Gibraltar (Makoa Gibraltar)
Order: Caramel caffè macchiato
Makoa is a seasoned search and rescue volunteer, Apex Games veteran, and (mostly) reformed bad boy. He seems for all the world like a man that appreciates the subtle delicacies of a really good espresso. Not to be confused with a Starbucks-style caramel macchiato — which is just a latte with caramel and vanilla syrup — a real caramel caffè macchiato is a traditional shot of espresso with a drop of foamed milk in the middle, followed by a very conservative drizzle of caramel. Adding too much caramel can overpower the foam and cause the drink to collapse, which Gibraltar will absolutely notice. Although he’d be too polite to point it out.
Lifeline (Ajay Che)
Order: Taro boba tea
Based on Lifeline’s unlockable cosmetic items, it’s pretty safe to say she enjoys the cute and colorful things in life. And while it isn’t explicitly stated anywhere in her bio, I’d wager that she’s got an insatiable sweet tooth, too. There’s plenty of sweet coffee drinks out there, but coffee itself is rarely cute.
Boba tea, on the other hand, is pretty adorable in all many varieties. Ajay’s favorite would be taro. The drink’s soft, milky purple complements Lifeline’s playful hair buns. Meanwhile, the filling tapioca pearls help stretch the time needed between meals — and means more time spent keeping people alive.
Mirage (Elliott Witt)
Order: Starbucks Pumpkin Spice latte
Crowds at the Apex Games love Mirage for his bombastic personality, impish sense of humor, and devious, hologram-based trickery. The last of four brothers, Mirage makes his mother proud as the Games’ most prolific celebrity. And like most celebrities, he likes a good latte from Starbucks. His favorite is the Pumpkin Spice latte which, coincidentally, also disappears right when you think you’ve got a bead on it…
Pathfinder (Mobile Robotic Versatile eNtity (MRVN))
Pathfinder depends on the versatility of multi-grade oils to keep his joins well-lubricated as he climbs the ranks of the Apex Games in search of his creator. His usual blend is synthetic. However, he does enjoy a nice infusion of dark and luxurious conventional oil — when he can find it on the Frontier, that is.
Wraith (Lilly Capernick)
Order: Monster Energy drink purchased with whatever coins she has on hand at 4 a.m. at a 24-hour gas station
Regular Monster may be substituted for Monster Java depending on the kind of night she’s had. Do not attempt to count the coins or ask for another form of payment.