I’ve been playing a lot of Magic: The Gathering Arena lately, after a private tournament in one of my favorite Discord servers rekindled a long lost interest in the game. It’s truly impressive how vastly superior MTGA is to its predecessor, Magic: The Gathering Online, which was essentially a spreadsheet in someone’s final project for their java engineering class. This new game actually has, like, animations. And sound effects.
Like any CCG, Magic can still be very frustrating at times, but I think the problem isn’t so much that the cards are broken, but that the broken cards aren’t entertaining enough to justify how broken they are. So! With the help of MTGCardsmith’s M15 card generator, I’ve created 7 cards that should be in Magic: The Gathering Arena, as a proof of concept for Wizards of the Coast to work from.
The Black Lodge
Powerful and mysterious, The Black Lodge allows a player to copy an opponent’s creature and exile the original, but only for as long as The Black Lodge exists.
The good Gwafa Hazid is in the lodge and can’t leave — write this in your diary.
Poor, poor Linguo. All it ever wanted was to help the world learn syntax and usage, but you can continue its legacy by running Linguo’s Head. This card’s zero mana cost makes up for the fact that you’ll probably never get to activate it.
Ulna, Bride of Chaos
Alright, so Ulna might just be one of my Soulcalibur 6 #CreateASoul characters, but she totally looks like a Magic: The Gathering character, right? Run her in your mono-black Skeleton deck to turn any skeleton into a reassembling skeleton.
(Also, I realize that the legend for her tap ability might be technically wrong, but you get what I’m going for.)
The Raptor That Says Alan
Finally, the greatest character in Jurassic Park 3 comes to Magic: The Gathering Arena. This card tests the confidence of the player using it, as well their dinosaur impersonation skills, though the benefit of a slightly stronger dino is surely worth any embarrassment caused.
There’s nothing worse than buffing a creature up to game-winning size, only for it to be destroyed or exiled before you even get a chance to attack with it. Enter: Fortnite Shrub. Just like its Fortnite counterpart, this shrub disguises a creature until it attacks or blocks.
Voltron, Defender of the Universe
Designed for Cat-based multi-color decks — which I’m assuming are all the rage in MTGA‘s meta right now — Voltron, Defender of the Universe synergizes well with cards like Ajani’s Pridemate or Ajani’s Sunstriker.
I debated whether Voltron should have Reach or Flying, but settled on Reach as it felt like the less offensive option. Besides, Voltron really only flies when its in space — most battles against the Robeasts of the Drule Empire take place on the surface of planet Arus.
Marina, Queen of Diamonds
The rules text on Marina, Queen of Diamonds may seem a little overpowered, but I have a couple of things to say in defense of this card.
First off, it’s not the first card to make someone automatically lose the game. There’s plenty of cards that are roughly as powerful, more or less. Secondly, have you seen her music videos? C’mon. This is what this card does. You know I’m right.