EA has cancelled its secretive and beleaguered open-world Star Wars project, according to a Kotaku report citing three anonymous sources. The untitled game had been in development at EA Vancouver since the fall of 2017, when EA closed its subsidiary Visceral Games and absorbed the art assets of a different, story-focused Star Wars game that Visceral had been working on since 2015.
These were two very different projects, lead by different teams at different studios with different goals, but one cannot help but wonder why Star Wars has presented such a challenge to EA’s developers. Below, I posit some theories as to why this may have happened. Join me, won’t you?
Theory 1: Game’s Haunted
In what is perhaps the most obvious explanation for EA’s cancellation of this second Star Wars project, it may be possible that some facet of the game was haunted by one or more ghosts and/or spirits. Since EA Vancouver’s Star Wars project did inherit some assets from Visceral’s original game, this may also explain why Visceral Games was closed in the first place — this haunting may go all the way back to 2015.
It’s worth noting, however, that EA Vancouver hasn’t been closed, unlike Visceral Games. If the same manifestation is responsible for the deaths of both Star Wars projects, EA may have developed technology to better handle (or perhaps, harness) the ghost, and while said tech wasn’t effective enough to get the game to market, it did contain the fallout to just the project, and not the studio was a whole. Further investigation may be required into any occult connections EA may or may not have.
Theory 2: Electronic Arts CEO Andrew Wilson is Scared of Jawas
Who within EA would have the power necessary to kill two enormous, studio-spanning projects attached to a major IP? None other than CEO Andrew Wilson. Wilson has been CEO since John “Rickety Cellos” Riccitiello resigned in 2013, meaning that he’s also been in charge for the full duration of both projects. But why? Why kill these two projects while letting others survive?
Some imaginary industry experts believe the answer might be found in the deserts of Tatooine: Jawas. Andrew Wilson, terrified of Jawas for as of yet unknown reasons, could potentially have killed both projects, provided that EA Vancouver and Visceral Games were both developing Jawa-focused titles of vastly different scopes and complexity. The likelihood of this remains to be seen, but it’s not not possible.
Theory 3: George Lucas Won’t Stop Calling
In a desperate attempt to end Star Wars creator George Lucas’ daily phone calls about Gungan mating rituals and the Arby’s Twitter account, it’s possible that EA decided to take the nuclear option and axe its Vancouver studio’s entire project.
For this to be the case, George Lucas would have to be a master of modern telecommunications, circumventing all available VoIP call blocking solutions on both a company-wide and person-to-person level. And how likely is that, really?
Very, if you take into consideration the current value of Blue Milk on the Deep Web. Never one to shy away from new technology, it’s possible that Lucas has become a master of the dark corners of the internet, laundering Blue Milk through dozens of crypto currencies in order to secure a near-endless supply of untraceable burner phones. In such a situation, what choice would EA really have?
Theory 4: A Time Traveler’s Warning
Under the right circumstances, a time traveler working to avert a dire future could have been responsible for both Visceral Games’ closure and the cancellation of EA Vancouver’s Star Wars project.
We don’t have enough information about either game to form a cogent theory as to how exactly their development may have lead to the downfall of mankind, but one thing is clear: EA didn’t listen the first time.
Despite following through with the time traveler’s wishes and shuttering Visceral, someone at EA thought they could cheat fate and continue the project under a different banner. The time traveler, finding nothing but ruin upon returning to their future, must have come back a second time to finish the job, resulting in today’s cancellation. An argument could be made that Kotaku News Editor Jason Schreier is the time traveler, but I’m withholding judgement until more evidence is available.
Theory 5: A Vengeful Moon
This month houses not one, but two lunar eclipses — the first was at 15 degrees Capricorn on January 5, with the next waiting at zero degrees Leo on January 20. And what famous line do we all remember from Star Wars? That’s right: “That’s no moon.”
While accurate in context, the Moon has likely been bitter over this perceived implication that anything could be better or more impressive than the moon, and its using this month’s powerful energies to alter the course of a Star Wars game’s development. Supporting evidence of this theory can be found in the astral charts below: