11 Things to Get Bowser for Christmas

Uh oh! You got Bowser in the Mushroom Kingdom Office Party Secret Santa drawing and totally forgot about it until just this moment! Heck!! This was going to be your opportunity to finally break through Bowser’s tough exterior and make the big guy smile — what are you gonna do?!

Don’t worry buddy, we’ll figure this out together. There’s gotta be like, what, at least 11 things you can get Bowser for Christmas. Let’s just put our minds to it and come up with something right this minute. Got any ideas?

Turtle Wax

I like where your head is at, but this might be a really offensive thing to give a giant turtle. Or really inappropriate? I’m not sure. Let’s keep looking.

Youfui Cute Animal Succulent Planter

You know what, I think one of the koopas in accounts payable got him this for last year’s Secret Santa — maybe we should look for something that speaks to his hobbies or interests, instead of the fact that he’s a giant turtle.

Princess Peach Amiibo

He’s definitely already got one, but maybe he wouldn’t mind a second? That way he can keep one in the box, and have the other to play with. Let’s put a pin in this, we’ll circle back around if we run out of ideas. I think we can do better.

Princess Peach Amiibo (Super Mario Odyssey ver.)

That’s just mean.

Chain Chomp Lamp

Hey, that’s more like it! Because who doesn’t love their dog, right? Unfortunately this thing is like $70, and that’s way more than the established Mushroom Kingdom Office Party Secret Santa spending limit. Good idea though, let’s keep this train movin’.

Gigantic Piranha Plant Puppet

Hrmm, no, this would be more of a gift for Bowser Jr. than his dad. And like, I’m sure Bowser loves playing with his son, but it’s so rare that parents get anything for themselves, you know? We should try and think of something that he can enjoy in his personal time.

Waluigi Dakimakura Body Pillow Cover

Hooooooooooooo boy, this is tougher than I thought. What about food? Everybody loves food, right?

ReptoMin Floating Food Sticks

Nope, too boring. It’s Christmas! Jazz it up a little! This is your big chance to get Bowser to like you, don’t give him what I’m assuming is the turtle equivalent of a bag of chips.

Demet’s Turtles

Alright, well this is definitely fancier than the food sticks, but now we’re right back where we started with turtle stuff. This might even be a little grotesque, now that I think about it … What about something for his office?

STRAIGHT OUTTA BOWSER’S CASTLE Mug

I’m worried he won’t get it. Do you think he’ll get it? All I’ve ever heard him listen to is big band music and that one Michael Bublé album. Wait! That’s it!!

Spotify Gift Card

This is the perfect Mushroom Kingdom Office Party Secret Santa gift for Bowser! It’s not weirdly offensive, it doesn’t bring up any complicated memories, and it gives you an in to talk to him about the music he likes! By this time next year, you’ll be kidnapped in space and forced to wear a wedding dress. Congratulations!

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Jordan Mallory

Jordan Mallory is a 10-year games industry veteran with more heart than sense. Lover of frogs and dedicated Girls' Generation S♥NE. Mr. August, Men of Game Development 2015.

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