Alright, so, apparently at some point today I blacked out and designed 10 Sonic the Hedgehog-themed cards for Magic: The Gathering Arena.
My best guess is that I fell into some sort of lucid trance — likely caused by waking up at 6 a.m. to write Fortnite news — during which I was subconsciously influenced by the Sonic block on Awesome Games Done Quick, which was playing on my second monitor.
While I’m on hold with a neurologist I found on Yelp (“removed the wrong brain but works on spec,” reads one review), why don’t we dive into whatever pit of madness I’m slowly descending into and check out these cards?
Sonic, The Hedgehog
Here he is! With both flash and haste, Sonic is already a powerful card with great mana value. Add on the unique strength of his powerful colorless Ring artifact tokens, and this card represents a serious problem for your opponent. For as good as this card is, it also makes itself an enormous target.
Tails, The Fox
Thankfully, Tails is here to solve that exact problem! So long as you’ve got something else in your deck that can retrieve Tails from your graveyard, you can keep Sonic in play indefinitely.
What’s that you say? “Why wouldn’t I just bring Sonic back with whatever I use to bring Tails back?” Don’t worry about it, compadre!
Knuckles, The Echidna
This version of Knuckles can avoid many early-game blockers, thanks to its marriage of menace (the card must be blocked by two or more creatures), and conditional flight. A perfect choice for any echidna-focused red/green aggro deck!
Rouge, The Bat
You may be thinking, “Jordan, this ability text is very goofy and unrealistic. It will never activate.” For this, I have two responses: One, even without the ability text, a 2/1 Vampire Bat with flying for 2 mana is a great card in the right deck. And secondly, are you sure? Because I thought I knew the name of this character until very recently and was sorely mistaken!!
Dr. Ivo Robotnik
True to his long and storied history, Dr. Ivo Robotnik can turn any (nonlegendary) creature into a brainless, walking homunculus of death and destruction. This card should probably cost more, if I’m being totally honest, but the big lore characters are always a little broken.
Super Sonic, The Hedgehog
Speaking of broken, what would a Sonic the Hedgehog set of Magic cards be without everyone’s favorite super
saiyan hedgehog? You’ll have to build up a stock of at least seven colorless Chaos Emerald artifact tokens in order to summon this absolute beast of a card, so where do those come from?
From the same place they always do, silly: Bonus stages! This land can act as normal mana when needed, but its main job is to create those Chaos Emerald artifact tokens that Super Sonic needs to get on the board. The real trick with this deck would be to keep all those tokens in play long enough to summon Super Sonic, so watch out for anything that can destroy an artifact.
Ivo, The Eggman
Something like Ivo, The Eggman, for instance! This dude can pop an artifact as quickly as you can say “two eggmen.” It’s worth noting, however, that Ivo’s ability text very specifically targets colorless artifacts, and not what makes them. He may be able to pop your emeralds, but your Bonus Stages can just keep on making them while you take care of Ivo.
Shadow, Ultimate Lifeform
Shadow, Ultimate Lifeform, being the coolest Sonic character, gets to be the only Planeswalker in the set. Just like in the Sonic universe, Shadow can be your angel or your devil, with loyalty abilities that both create and destroy Chaos Emeralds.
If you’re running Super Sonic, his ability to create emeralds vastly hastens the game clock, and if you’re not running an emerald-focused deck, he’s great defense against one. Unquestionably, this card represents the kind of power one would expect from the Ultimate Lifeform.