Square Enix Sony hosted a State of Play today, which was conveniently timed right after eight more women came forward as part of a harassment lawsuit against the company, and also right after they announced that they were stopping sales of all of their games, hardware, and services in Russia in response to the conflict in Ukraine.
Timing aside, there were some video games announced in the 20 minute long presentation, most of them coming from Square Enix, who really seems to be doing a Capcom 5 for the PlayStation right now. The games Square Enix stacked into today’s presentation were:
- Stranger of Paradise: Final Fantasy Origin
- Forspoken
- The Diofield Chronicle
- Debris of Tomorrow
- Valkyrie Elysium
Actually, one of these is fake (guess which one!) but the completely nonsensical naming of Square Enix’s games got me thinking: could the Fanbyte staff come up with game names that could pass as Square Enix titles?
The answer was yes. It’s so fucking easy. Square Enix seems to rely on a couple of formulae when they reach their hand into the dictionary to name one of their eight upcoming 3D-2D-HD-4K-RTS-MOBA-Fantasy-Tactics-Hybrid. Using science, I have boiled these formulae into four major categories: Literally Any Two Words, Too Many Words, [x] of [x], and This One Has A Colon In It. Square Enix, if you’re reading this, I encourage you to pick one of these for your next game title instead of just calling it Triangle Strategy or whatever the fuck.
Here’s what we came up with:
Literally Any Two Words
- Nebuchadnezzar Rising
- Gilded Era
- Divergent Kingdom
- Ozymandias Triumverate
- Horizontal War
- Ghost Pilot
- Somber Octagon
- Phantom Trigger (Fūnk-é suggested this one and then realized that’s actually a real game from 2017)
- Velvet Uranus
- Project Project
- Pinnacle Outcome
- Falling Ascension
- Overwinding Garrulous
- Stalagmite Hatchery
- Phosphorus Deluxi
Too Many Words (one of which might be fake)
- Strangers in the Afternoon
- Guardians of the Strategy
- Final Fantasy XII: Praetorium Umverate
- Project Maxima Espada Sagrada
- The Doll Kiss Initiative
- Kwyjibo Onslaught, Reclaimer Endling
- Kingdom Hearts 3/d+18|12 Dream Drop Mile for the Samsung Galaxy S22 Ultra
[x] of [x]
- Debris of Tomorrow
- Wolf of Wolf
- Wheel of Wolf
- Dream La Dream
- Horse of Dog
- House of Fate
- Strangers of Paradise (lol)
- Kings of Queens
This One Has a Colon In It
- Final Fantasy XII: Praetorum Umverate
- Dabble: The Sword of War
- Dream Rising: Nightmare Falling
- Time: Crisis
- Normal Life: Black and White
- The Centennial Case: A Shijima Story
- Heart of Cards: Deck Sympathy
- Deus Ex: Cyber Unity
If you have some more ideas, hit us up on Twitter and make sure you also trademark it – you never know if Square Enix is gonna snag that name.
