I just started playing Final Fantasy 14, and I’m in way over my head. I can’t keep any of the NPCs’ names straight, I’m still fumbling with the hotbar, and I don’t know how to make my guy look like a cool RPG character instead of a medieval pro wrestling fan who dropped out of clown college. What I do know, though, is that I want a Fat Black Chocobo. It’s just fun to say. Go on, try it. Black. Fat. Chocobo.
As you might expect, Chocobos figure heavily in the game, being one of several iconic creatures in the Final Fantasy franchise. The Black Fat Chocobo is one of these, and getting it as a mount is simultaneously pretty straightforward and kind of costly.
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Black Fat Chocobo Mount — Amazon Code
The Black Fat Chocobo was previously available in Japan through a promotion with convenience store chain Lawson. Players could collect stamps to fill out a card by purchasing “Limit Break” flavored chicken and other items. Kind of dark to tie a chubby chocobo to the consumption of real-life chicken, isn’t it? Thankfully, you don’t have to do that this time around.
However, you do have to make a deal with a different kind of Dark Lord than you might find in Final Fantasy 14 — Jeff Bezos. Yes, to obtain your very own Black Fat Chocobo this time around is buy a video game or video game accessory totaling $19.99 or more from Amazon dot com before July 1, 2019.
The promotion says it applies to “any video game,” but you don’t actually have to buy a game to get the code for the Black Fat Chocobo. I was buying a PS4 Camera without the intention of getting a code, and Amazon gave me one. Just make sure you see a note that the item is eligible for the promotion when you pick something out, and you’ll be fine. Oh, and the offer is only good in North America.
So, is it worth it? Well, it’s a Black Fat Chocobo. It has its own theme song while you ride it. You make it run by dangling cabbage and cake in front of it, which is frankly pretty mean. Let the bird eat a whole cabbage! Let it eat cake!
On the flip side, you’re purchasing an electronic game product from Amazon, a terrible company that has resisted unionization efforts, relies on underpaid contractors, and didn’t pay any federal taxes last year. And again, Jeff Bezos is a Dark Lord whose personal wealth is so staggering that it is immoral in itself.
But listen, am I going to tell you not to get the Black Fat Chocobo? I’m not. While we could all be more conscious of our personal purchasing habits, what’s more important to change is mass mobilization. If getting this good boy through a nightmare titan of late capitalism makes you feel a twinge of guilt, get involved with a union, local organizing, or electoral campaign.
I typed the phrase “Black Fat Chocobo” eleven times writing this piece.