Welcome to Would I Workout There (WIWT) — a column where I, a professed fitness freak — take a look at the virtual gyms in video games and answer that pressing question: would I, in fact, break a sweat and do a little work in this space. You can read all the installments here.
I’ll start this by admitting that I haven’t played Luigi’s Mansion 3, though, after watching this lovely walkthrough of the fitness center by BeardBear (contributed by my wonderful colleague Collin!), I’d like to! All I really know about the game is that there’s a ghost-blasting vacuum cleaner, a mysterious presence known as “Gooigi,” and a lot of goofy spirits.
What a wonderful space this is, though! More of a complete fitness center than many YMCAs, it has all the trappings of an elite training facility: finely-appointed shower and locker rooms, a huge pool (with a giant himbo Polo ghost, who I think looks a little like Captain Archer!), a nice selection of machines, a lovely, tiered cardio room with nice plants. It even has a surprisingly clean looking yoga/martial arts room! Hell, this whole facility would put even the men’s NCAA weight room to shame.
(Hey, quick note, the NCAA women deserve a decent weight room, assholes. But that’s not Luigi’s fault. I don’t think.)
Now, I’m a little concerned by the presence of locker room mice, and the fact that there are… giant boxer ghosts in the combo freeweight/heavy bag area. But clearly, Luigi didn’t pay any kind of fee to get in here. In fact, he’s just stealing money left and right. Dude came right into the foyer and destroyed the trophy area at the very beginning, which sure feels a bit like unchecked jealousy/rage at the achievements on display. What a Luigi thing to do.
Now, I must ask the big question. Would I Work Out There? Yeah, sure. Look, I’m scared of ghosts too, and I certainly don’t want one injuring me with faulty equipment or anything. But if I had a capable ghostbuster around, or the spectral pals agreed to play nice, I’d happily hang out here and get a good sweat on. More than anything, I’d love to do some laps in the pool, maybe put some fun music on over the speakers and chill with the big ol’ ghost bro in there. It sounds fun, honestly.