It was Thanksgiving in the United States of America this week, a holiday where families came together to disagree with each other while perpetuating a lie they don’t know they’ve been told.
Also Goku was there! And the food, hot dang! Mama’s twice-baked potatoes, birds stuffed inside of other birds, big piles of rolls, yams for God’s sake — it was truly a thing of beauty.
There’s always too much food though, so in the spirit of leftovers, we’ve decided to come up with video game equivalents for nine of our favorite Thanksgiving dishes, and share them with you, our beloved readers. Because you’re what we’re thankful for. (And hey, holidays can be hard for a lot of folk. Hang in there, okay? Love you.)
Turkey & The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
It’s hearty, it’s reliable, and people buy it whether they bought it last year or not — it’s turkey! And it’s also Skyrim! Turkey and Skyrim are both heavily conducive to modifications, and considerable online resources are available for off-the-shelf and/or bespoke improvements to the default experience. Weirdly, Todd Howard gets a cut either way.
Tofurky & Elder Scrolls Online
It’s not the thing you want, but you can pretend that it is! We actually know plenty of people who genuinely love tofurky/ESO, though we can’t really think of anyone we know that loves both.
Perhaps you can be that person, dear reader. Maybe you can play ESO while eating tofurky sometime this weekend, and then send us a picture of it so we can print it out and have it professionally framed, and then when people come over and ask “What’s with the framed picture of someone eating tofurky while playing Elder Scrolls Online,” we can say “that’s one of our readers, and we owe them a great debt.”
Cranberry Sauce (Can Shaped) & Fortnite Battle Royale
Not the originals but unquestionably the most popular, can-shaped cranberry sauce and Fortnite Battle Royale are both unprecedented successes that trade on the ingenuity of those who came before them.
Just as PlayerUnknown’s Battlegrounds acclimated the world to the idea of Battle Royale games, so too did whole cranberry sauce (aka “not can shaped”) acclimate the world to putting candied fruit reductions on dead birds.
But it wasn’t until the introduction of jellied cranberry sauce that Americans made it a ubiquitous part of their Thanksgiving lives, much in the same way that Fortnite brought the concepts of PUBG out of the enthusiast space and into the limelight. Three can-shaped cranberry sauces are sold in America for every can of not-can-shaped cranberry sauce, according to this post on Vox, and we don’t have to spoon feed you the Fortnite/PUBG connection there.
Cranberry Sauce (Not Can Shaped) & PlayerUnknown’s Battlegrounds
Still, despite everything covered above, there are still those that swear by whole cranberry sauce/PUBG, despite the overwhelming popularity of the alternative. We’re equal opportunity saucers here at Fanbyte, so we’re not going to tell you that one is better than the other. Some people just like jigglin’ more than other people, and that’s okay. America is a land of contrasts.
Stuffing & Monster Hunter: World
It’s like, crumbled up bread? With onions and celery and all the leftover bird junk? Somehow it works though, much in the same way that a Monster Hunter game is good in spite of itself.
There’s also a dedicated, vocal group of people who are extremely into it (regardless of which one you’re talking about), and when you finally try it you’re like “Yeah! It’s pretty good,” so you keep eating like normal but they kinda look at you like you don’t really get it yet, but they’re not sure what else they can do to help you get it, so you both just kinda chuckle to each other but don’t make eye contact and then change the subject.
Twice-Baked Potatoes & Nothing, Because No Game Has Ever Been an Equivalent Level of Good
If you try and take even a single dollop more than your allotted one serving of the delicious, “waited an entire year for this to be served again and thought about it literally ever single day” twice-baked potatoes that my mama makes, you will have precious little left to be thankful for by the time I’m done with you. Do not test me.
Sweet Potato Casserole & Stardew Valley
Maybe a little on the sugary side for some people, sweet potato casserole and Stardew Valley are both just, like, nice, you know? Why’s everything gotta be a 4k60 UHD mega-texture noir experience starring Hayden Panettiere or whatever? Sometimes we just wanna sit down and eat some nice, warm yams with the little marshmallows and maybe some pecans. Life doesn’t always have to be as complicated as we make it. Consider yams, won’t you?
Pumpkin Pie & Fire Emblem Heroes
Not something to make an entire meal of, mind you, but both pumpkin pie and Fire Emblem Heroes can be the perfect treat at the end of a long meal/day. Both are fairly shallow offerings when it comes to nutritional value/story complexity, but that’s not really the goal, is it? The goal is to top everything off with something a little indulgent, but still responsible, like a wholesome slice of pie or the pseudo-gambling thrill of a family-friendly gacha.
Pecan Pie & Honkai Impact 3rd
Oh gosh, thank you but I really shouldn’t. … Well, it is Thanksgiving I guess, maybe just a little. Maybe today I can not feel guilty about really, really loving this thing, despite knowing exactly what this thing is … just for today …