7 Anxieties I Have over Buying a Nintendo Switch

The plan is to go buy a Nintendo Switch after work today. I’ve been putting it off for a while, but with those new Pokemon on the horizon, and some of the best games of the last two years already in the chamber, the pot is finally sweet enough for an extremely cautious consumer such as myself. And yet, even knowing that I’ll get to play modern classics like Breath of the Wild and Super Mario Odyssey, I still have some doubts as to whether I’m making the right decision.

We’re talkin’ over $400 here after games and taxes, and the last time I made that kind of investment on a console, it was the Wii U. Granted, all existing data says that the Switch is not currently (and feasibly, cannot become) another Wii U, but I’ve been hurt before, you know? Here’s what I’m worried about.

What If It Gets Cheaper?

We’re only a few months out from E3 (oh God) — what if Nintendo announces a price drop? What if I could save $100 or more just by being a little patient? Should I enter the release dates and “time until first price drop” info for every Nintendo console into a spreadsheet, and base my information off of the resulting data? Or is it worth $100 to get in now? What if the value of the American dollar fluctuates so much between now and the inevitable price drop, that buying it now actually is cheaper than buying it later? Is that how money works? I didn’t go to college so I have no way of knowing!

What If They Launch a Better One?

We’re two years into the Switch’s lifespan at this point, and if Nintendo is going to treat it as it has historically treated its home consoles, there’s no reason to expect a redesign or beefed-up version anytime soon. But if Nintendo is thinking about it as a handheld, we’re basically due for an iterative update. The 3DS XL came out one year after the original 3DS, and the 2DS came out a year after that. The – ̗̀New ̖́- 3DS and – ̗̀New ̖́- 3DS XL came out roughly two years after the 2DS, and the – ̗̀New ̖́- 2DS launched two years after that. If Nintendo has a similar upgrade path planned out for the Switch, I could be buying the old model before the new one even exists yet.

What If They Launch More Colors?

The neon Joy-Cons are fine and everything, but the rest of the console is so drab. Am I locking myself into what may historically be seen as one of the most boring Nintendo Switch options available? What if there’s an Atomic Purple Switch mere months away? Special editions for Nintendo consoles are a semi-rare occurrence, but every Nintendo handheld has received myriad colors and patterns over their lifetimes. Will the Switch be any different? Again, it all depends on whether Nintendo thinks of the Switch as a console or a handheld.

Would This Money Be Better Spent Elsewhere?

Four hund bits is a lot of bits, y’all. Now granted, owning a Switch would open up new avenues of work for me to do here and elsewhere, and I can write it off my taxes as a business expense, but do I need one? Shouldn’t I use this money for something more practical, like bills and food? Even though I’ve already got those living expenses covered, they could be even more covered. Or I could give this money to someone who doesn’t already have those expenses covered. Is buying a video game console, even if it’s for work, an inherently selfish act?

Does This Somehow Fund the Military Industrial Complex?

Hell dude, I dunno! Maybe? There’s no ethical consumption under Capitalism, right? I just want to dress Pikachu up in cute hats, why is this so hard?

What If I Just Buy a Damn Video Game and Be Happy for Once?

What if that, anxiety? Would that be okay with you? What if I just buy something I want because I worked hard to be able to afford it, and I deserve to enjoy reasonable expenditures that fit within my budget? What if buying a Nintendo Switch is okay, even if it indirectly leads to increased carbon emissions from–

What If It Leads to Increased Carbon Emissions from Rare Earth Metal Mining?

No! I see what you’re doing and I’m not going to listen anymore! Climb up my butt!! I’m going to Best Buy!!!