Hey Parsleyheads, Chad Parsley here — video game reviewer and college volleyball state champ ’87. You know, it’s been a long time since I was in the game business. I used to write reviews for magazines back in the 90s, all the big publications like Game Killers, Video Freaks, Secrets of the Sega Stars. Since then I’ve mostly been retired from the industry. I spend a lot of time on my boat with the missus. We took it down to the keys last winter, it was real nice.
But anyway, the bigwigs here at Fan Byte asked me to hop on and give a piece of my mind about some of the top selling titles on the Steam online marketplace. I said hey, you know me, I’m always happy to help out — as long as there’s no heavy lifting involved! I spent some time with some of the hottest titles out there right now, and the following are my official opinions.
Steam Deck — Steam Deck, huh? Sounds like an item on my to-do list! But in all seriousness, Valve’s handheld computer sure is a lot of fun. Folks might debate what the best games to play on it are, but for me, nothing beats the hours of entertainment I’ve had waiting for a shipping notification to show up in my inbox.
Cult of the Lamb — I was in a cult myself back in the day, and let me tell you, it was no joke. Those Columbia House guys, they don’t play around.
Marvel’s Spider-Man Remastered — If Spider-Man can do whatever a spider can, then can he help out with the freakin’ moth problem in my closet? I tell ya, these pine clotheshangers don’t do jack.
Farthest Frontier — Apparently this is a game about building a town at the edge of the world. Personally, the Farthest Frontier I’m willing to go most days is out to the ol’ mailbox to see if I got any good power tool catalogues in, you know what I’m saying?
Stray — If you ever wanted to play as a cat, then Stray‘s the game for you. It reminds me of the time I took in a stray cat myself. The missus said I shouldn’t, but this thing looked real sick, so I tried to nurse it back to health. Well, long story short, it was a baby wolverine, and that’s why we don’t bring in strange animals in the Parsley home no more.
Cyberpunk 2077 — Boy, I remember when the year 2000 seemed like the future. By the time 2077 rolls around, old Chad Parsley’s going to be six feet under. Maybe Cyberpunk 2077 will even be bug free by then!
Raft — This survival game just got its final update after years of support. Now, if I was out there on the ocean, I think the last update you’d get from me would be “send some beers!”