I Left Rick Sanchez in a Jar of Gamer Goo for 138 Days

Last year, I performed an experiment to determine whether or not a full-body application of Gamer Goo would improve my gaming abilities. It was a success, but I decided that the messy and time-consuming process was not worth the gains in most cases — and so, the project was shelved. That meant, however, that I had several tubes of the product left unused.

I could have used them as directed — to increase grip during gameplay — but my hands rarely get sweaty enough to warrant this. I could have simply thrown them away, then, but that felt wasteful. No, I was determined to use this Gamer Goo for scientific purposes, and so I did what anyone would: I dropped an action figure of Rick Sanchez from Rick and Morty into a jar, poured it all over him, then left the whole thing in the sun for a few months.

I feel the need to point out here that I didn’t have a Rick figure lying around awaiting such a grim fate. Rather, it was donated by my collaborator Eric Thurm. (No aspersions should be cast on him, either — the Rick in question was received as a part of a press package some time ago and remained in box and forgotten until the experiment.)

Hypothesis

This will be very bad to see and smell.

Gamer Goo
Fig. a

Method

1. On October 30, 2019, the Rick Sanchez figure was removed from its packaging, which was discarded. It was placed into a glass jar with a depth approximately 1.3x its standing height.

2. Varying quantities of three varieties of Gamer Goo grip enhancing product were deposited into the jar: Peppermint, Orange, and Cinnamon. (See Fig. a)

3. It was determined through visual inspection that there was insufficient Gamer Goo to completely submerge the Rick figure standing, but that there was also inadequate room to lay it on its back.

4. Rick figure was removed from jar and legs were pushed forward until they snapped and bent up against the chest.

5. Figure was replaced in jar.

Fig. b

6. Jar was placed in a location exposed to sunlight. (See Fig. b)

7. Jar was later moved to bookshelf in investigator’s room to conceal experiment from housekeeper.

8. Housekeeper tidied up investigator’s room, undoubtedly noticing experiment in progress.

9. Investigator left a large tip for housekeeper.

10. Investigator forgot about experiment for several months.

11. Investigator visually documented results of experiment.

12. Investigator moved to publish results of experiment online, despite resistance from colleagues.

Gamer Goo
Fig. c

Results

Upon opening the jar, investigator wafted fumes and noted a minty, cinnamon-tinged scent (Fig. c). Rick figure was carefully removed using proper protective equipment. During removal, one leg was lost at knee — other was already missing (Fig. d).

Gamer Goo
Fig. d

Excess Gamer Goo was removed via a warm water rinse to determine the condition of the Rick figure. Hypothesis was partially supported — smell was determined to be pleasant, if cloying, while visual analysis by colleagues confirmed prediction of negative reception, with one in particular noting “I’m gonna fucking yartz.” Final inspection of experiment revealed no lasting damage, except to investigator’s psyche.

Gamer Goo

Disclosure: Investigators received no support, financial or otherwise, from Gamer Goo for this research.

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merritt k

merritt k is Features & Trending Editor at Fanbyte.com. She has never played a video game in her life.

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