Colette Arrand: Malcolm Bivens Finds His CD Player
After months of sleuthing, 6’4″ king Malcolm Bivens finally knows who took his CD player—Nia Jax. It’s been a long, strange trip through the WWE Universe to get here, and Malcolm didn’t actually get his CD player back, but in the land of dreams we got to see the head of Bivens Enterprises don the most powerful totem in the WWE’s archival warehouse: Mark Henry’s salmon blazer. It fit perfectly, too. No tailoring needed. Malcolm might not be listening to his Puff Daddy CD anytime soon, but dude’s gonna be okay if he gets to franchise the Hall of Pain.
Hunktears: Mercedes Martinez vs Kris Statlander
If you read the weekly wrestling schedule, it’s probably not a huge surprise that my favorite thing this week was, in fact, Mercedes Martinez vs Kris Statlander in the main event of last night’s Beyond Uncharted Territory. Mercedes Martinez has been a mainstay of independent women’s wrestling for almost two decades, and has somehow never gotten a contract with a major company. Kris Statlander has been wrestling for only two years, and really blew up over the course of 2019 particularly in her work with Beyond Wrestling. The match they had last night was exciting, hard hitting, and just… just fucking good, okay? Two incredibly talented women with vastly different experience levels just beating the shit out of each other in an event hall in Worcester Massachusetts on a Thursday night only to find mutual respect in the end? FINALLY some delicious food!
More Pro Wrestling:
- Wednesday Night War Week 7: The Curse of Full Sail University’s Parking Lot
- Pro Wrestling Streaming Schedule for the Week of 11/11
- A Pilgrimage to Scott Steiner’s Shoney’s
Mer: AEW Signing Big Swole
AEW struggles to develop their women’s division (a word which here means ‘give them any kind of a story’) but I have to hand it to them in continuing to secure some incredible talent. Last Friday, they announced the signing of Big Swole, one of my favorite wrestlers of 2019. I may not be any kind of an authority on muscles, but as she says so herself, swole is a mentality more than a physicality (although she has plenty of both). The woman with the toughest name in wrestling had previously competed in the Casino Battle Royale at All Out, but had not appeared in AEW until an episode of AEW Dark last week. Dark is kind of like AEW’s direct to dvd service, but it’s also turned out plenty of great matches, and it was awesome to see Big Swole get that kind of a big platform to show off on. Her energy and charisma make her such a fun performer, and I’m very excited to see what she does moving forward in AEW…just as soon as they remember they signed more than 3 women.
Danielle’s Big Fyte: Weekend Picks
The big-big fight on UFC Sao Paolo is Jan Blachowicz vs. Ronaldo Souza. It’s a big contest between big boys (well, not the biggest, but these are light heavyweights), with Souza moving up from Middleweight to take on the strong and steady Blachowicz. Souza has a fantastic grappling base and lighter style. Meanwhile, Blachowicz has been sitting in the bigger weight class for awhile, and he recently knocked out former Middleweight champion Luke Rockhold, so he certainly has momentum on his side.
I’m also very interested in a preliminary bout between two women’s flyweights, Irene Aldana and Tracey Cortez. Cortez impressed everyone with her performance on Dana White’s Contender Series (a competition series where fighters have matches before UFC president, hoping to earn a place on the UFC roster), and this is her first bout on that spanking new contract. It looks to be a fairly classic grappler vs. striker bout (with Cortez in the former position and Aldana in the latter), and both women are early on in their careers in the promotion.
On the grappling side of things, I’m mainly very excited that the RISE 8 Prelims are now on Fightpass, since a few of my sometimes training partners appeared on that one. Shameless plug alert!
Honorable Mentions: The whole Malcolm Bivens CD player thing a second time, that ladder match Mia Yim and Io Shirai had on Wednesday even though we already talked about it.