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Jordan Mallory

(he/him)

Jordan is a frog that lives in Texas and loves Girls Generation. He's also Senior Podcast Producer! Before that he wrote video game news for almost ten years at a lot of websites you've heard of, including this one.


10 Sonic Characters Reimagined as Magic: The Gathering Arena Cards

Alright, so, apparently at some point today I blacked out and designed 10 Sonic the Hedgehog-themed cards for Magic: The Gathering Arena. My best guess is that I fell into some sort of lucid trance — likely caused by waking up at 6 a.m. to write Fortnite news — during…

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LISTS

Don’t Miss These 13 Games During Awesome Games Done Quick

Awesome Games Done Quick is back to bless us with the spectacle of sensational speedruns, in a week-long event benefiting the Prevent Cancer Foundation. This beloved annual tradition has already raised over $200,000 in less than two days, and with dozens of speedruns still on the docket, this year’s AGDQ…

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LISTS

6 Potential Reasons Princess Rosalina Isn’t Returning My Calls

Everything seemed like it was going so well with Princess Rosalina. Why isn’t she returning my calls? Maybe She’s Busy Running the Universe She is the princess of the entire cosmos, and since princesses are the highest known authority figure in the Mario universe, her days are probably pretty hectic.…

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LISTS

5 Games to Avoid If You Have Stuff in the Morning

I’m not gonna name any names, but somebody here at Fanbyte totally beefed it today by way, way oversleeping, party due to a late-night playthrough of Inside that was too enthralling to stop. This person had plenty of opportunities to put the game down and go to bed, but their…

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LISTS

5 Other Shows That Should Turn into FMV Games

Proving once again that Hollywood is out of ideas, Netflix released an FMV game last week under the guise of “interactive film,” in the form of Black Mirror: Bandersnatch. It’s a by-the-books FMV adventure with forking paths and multiple endings, presented as though it were the ultimate culmination of storytelling…

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LISTS

5 Games You Can Play with a Headache

Shhhh shh shh shh. Please don’t click so loudly! And turn that light back off, I’ve got a rager of a headache today and existing is not helping it. All I want to do is curl up into a ball and play something — either a game that plays well…

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LISTS

5 Games from My Backlog That I’ll Definitely Get to in 2019

We are, every one of us, haunted by something. Ever present, it grows in the shadows and consumes our best intentions. The depth of its hunger knows no bounds. In silence, it grows fat, waiting. The backlog. But hey, maybe next year’ll be different! Right? I’m definitely, definitely going to…

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LISTS

5 More Games to Be Excited for in 2019

If you thought there were only five games worth being excited about in 2019, you’re sorely mistaken, buddy! That list was only five items long for complicated legal reasons — there’s at least¬†five more additional cool things waiting for us in 2019, provided that these release dates hold together. And…

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LISTS

5 Games to Be Excited for in the First Half of 2019

As 2018 slowly closes its eyes, reliving its triumphs and foibles in a¬†psychedelic freakout on its way to the afterlife, little baby New Year waits patiently on the horizon. What do we know about this metaphorical baby, which represents 365 days of life and the video games released therein? Let…

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LISTS

Jordan’s 7 New Year’s Gaming Resolutions

Now that all that family holiday togetherness/gifting/feasting/sobbing/etc is out of the way, it’s time to look to the year ahead and think of how we can improve ourselves. New Year’s resolutions may be a bit rote, but they do genuinely help some people get motivated enough to make a meaningful…

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LISTS

11 Things to Get Bowser for Christmas

Uh oh! You got Bowser in the Mushroom Kingdom Office Party Secret Santa drawing and totally forgot about it until just this moment! Heck!! This was going to be your opportunity to finally break through Bowser’s tough exterior and make the big guy smile — what are you gonna do?!…

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LISTS

4 Ways Gunpei Yokoi Changed Games Forever

In writing these daily lists for Fanbyte (it’s a great website, you should look it up), I spend a lot of time combing through Wikipedia looking for ideas. And whether I’m reading about the broader history of video games, or zeroing in on weird specifics in search of esoteric themes,…

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LISTS

All 7 Tetris Blocks, Ranked

After a lifetime of suffering at the hands of certain blocks, and waiting frantically for the saving grace of certain other blocks, I’ve decided that it’s time to finally put each Tetris piece (or tetromino) in its place. The best way to do that, of course, is by ranking each…

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Tetris Effect Review

LISTS

10 Unbelievable Knock-Off Nintendos

For as long as the Nintendo Entertainment System has existed, so too have compatible consoles of questionable legality. Commonly referred to as “famiclones” — a portmanteau of “Famicom” and “clone” — these devices were most ubiquitous in parts of the world where official hardware was either unavailable, or prohibitively expensive.…

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LISTS

10 More Awful ‘Gamer’ Gifts from Amazon

After digging through Amazon to find the 13 worst “gamer” shirts on offer, my doctor told me that I had to wait at least 72 hours before going back under. She said something about “explosive eyeball syndrome” and “inside-out butt disorder,” but I have an obligation to you, the readers,…

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LISTS

13 Awful ‘Gamer’ Shirts Found on Amazon

Amazon is a sarlacc pit of unoriginal, unauthorized, often straight-up stolen merchandise for everything from Game of Thrones to The Wiggles. At this time of year especially, the fly-by-night shops selling jpegs on hoodies really ramp up their efforts, producing as many products as possible with no regard for coherence…

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LISTS

5 Games That Deserve Loving Remasters

The last couple of years have been great for old games. Collections like the Crash Bandicoot N. Sane Trilogy and the Spyro Reignited Trilogy have returned their respective 32-bit classics to the modern era, rekindling the spark of these retro titles while remaining mostly accurate to the source material. We’ve…

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LISTS

8 Times Destiny 2 Deserved a Photo Mode

People have a lot of capital-O Opinions about Destiny 2, but almost everyone can agree that it’s a visually stunning video game. Bungie is famous for its sky boxes for a reason, and with each passing expansion Destiny 2 has given players incredible new vistas to ooh and ahh over.…

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LISTS

7 Cards That Should Be in Magic: The Gathering Arena

I’ve been playing a lot of Magic: The Gathering Arena lately, after a private tournament in one of my favorite Discord servers rekindled a long lost interest in the game. It’s truly impressive how vastly superior MTGA is to its predecessor, Magic: The Gathering Online, which was essentially a spreadsheet…

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LISTS

8 Items from Other Games That Should Be in Fortnite

This morning’s Fortnite patch put the Infinity Blade from Infinity Blade into Battle Royale mode, which is weird on it’s own, but Epic also de-listed all of the Infinity Blade games at the same time. Epic said that maintaining the Infinity Blade series has “become increasingly difficult for our team…

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LISTS