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Colette Arrand

Colette Arrand is a minor transsexual poet and nu-metal enthusiast.


Cody Rhodes’ American Dream

I traveled to Jacksonville for AEW Dynamite last week for the sake of seeing Yuji Nagata wrestle in America for the first time since I was a child, when Nagata was a wrestler I liked because he did karate kicks in WCW/nWo Revenge and wrestled on B-shows like Saturday Night and…

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WRESTLING

WWE’s Zombie Lumberjacks: A Review

Last night’s WrestleMania Backlash was sponsored by the upcoming Zack Snyder zombie heist movie Army of the Dead. The film stars Dave Bautista, the greatest wrestler in the history of the company, so the crossover was natural enough except that “The Animal” couldn’t be there himself to celebrate the triumph of…

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WRESTLING

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Throwback SmackDown Shows that WWE Has Lost Its Grip On Nostalgia

Yesterday was the “Throwback Edition” of WWE SmackDown. Normally, this wouldn’t be something worth writing about, except that the show that normally gets the throwback treatment is Raw, which that has been on the air since 1993, and between the current WWE roster’s various rap beefs and the three or…

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Roman Reigns’ New Theme Song: A Review

Last week’s episode of Friday Night SmackDown was notable for two things: First, it was Daniel Bryan’s last night on the show, as his loss to Roman Reigns in the main event was a SmackDown Career vs. Title match. Secondly, far more importantly, it marked the debut of Roman Reigns’…

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Stacking Belts Like Pringles: Impact Wrestling Rebellion Recap and Review

Rather than pretend to an expertise that I don’t have, I’ll be up front: I don’t watch Impact Wrestling, and I never really have. The company’s 20th anniversary is next year, and over the course of that time it’s existed in a very strange universe of its own making, simultaneously…

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Please, I’m Begging You, Don’t Make The Rock a Politician

I like Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. I’m not alone in that, obviously—Johnson is one of the most popular wrestlers in history, a movie star who defines a generation of blockbuster action movies like Schwarzenegger and Stallone before him, and a decent enough social media presence if you’re into his particular…

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Blame It On the Rain: WrestleMania37 Night One Recap and Review

Night one of WrestleMania 37, WWE’s make-good on last year’s purchase of a bunch of non-returnable pirate gear it didn’t get to wear to last year’s WrestleMania, was the first time fans attended a main roster show since the COVID-19 pandemic moved WWE’s product into its Performance Center last March.…

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Hulk Hogan’s Skullet: A Review

In 2006, music critic Ray Suzuki gave Australian rock group Jet a rating of 0.0 in his Pitchfork review of their album Shine On. The body of that review was a YouTube video of a monkey drinking its pee. I think about that review all the time, like how much…

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AEW’s Mortal Kombat II Cabinet: A Review

In a real loss for me, a person who lives to see expensive stuff get wrecked for the sake of the great sport of professional wrestling, AEW’s Arcade Mayhem match from this week’s Dynamite featured more “wandering through the arcade cabinets looking for something to play” action than the CRT…

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Peacock Is Editing Racism Out of WWE Content. So What?

The WWE Network sunsets in the United States on April 4, as it becomes part of NBCUniversal’s Peacock streaming service. Launched in 2014 (after an initial conceptualization as a television network that never came to fruition), the WWE Network is one of the the promotion’s signature achievements, forever altering the…

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Is AEW Dark: Elevation Worth Watching?

I was suckered into watching two hours of AEW Dark: Elevation by the promise of its main event and the amount of advertising that went into its debut, but, being honest here, no, it’s not.. It’s just AEW Dark with a subtitle, an endless stream of competitive enhancement matches filmed…

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5 NFTs WWE Should Mint to Claim the Throne of Worst Company Ever

Non-fungible tokens—or NFTs for the sake of not gagging on the language of the digital carny—are the talk of the collectables market at the moment. I won’t pretend to understand the intricacies of what is, on the surface, a pyramid scheme that bilks the many for the profit of the…

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Eddie Guerrero’s Mullet: A Review

I love a good mullet. I love bad mullets and mediocre mullets, too—really the mullet spectrum runs from “person who gives no fucks to a degree that scares me” to “person who gives no fucks and is really really hot”—and that love, like too many things in my life, has…

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Teach Sting How to Blend

At this point, I think my love of Sting is pretty well-documented. I know it’s nostalgia, and I know it’s my weird thing for watching old men continue to push their bodies well beyond the point of sanity, but I care for this slab of aged beef and want him…

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Sting Is Alive? AEW Dynamite Recap and Review

After Monday’s Women’s Eliminator Tournament Special left me a little deflated, I found myself dreading the prospect of this week’s dynamite. Once you make a claim like “Dynamite can trim enough fat to fit a second women’s match on the show,” you’re kinda stuck looking for that fat. It’s not…

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This Could Have Worked On Television: AEW Women’s Eliminator Week 2

Last week’s YouTube exclusive portion of AEW’s Women’s Eliminator Tournament covered the whole of the Japanese half’s first round, introducing and reintroducing eight women to AEW audiences in an easily digestible one hour show that was intensely enjoyable. I liked it so much that I gave it the benefit of…

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Struggle and Redemption: On Eddie Guerrero’s 2004 WWE Championship Victory

This week marked the 17th anniversary of Eddie Guerrero’s WWE Championship victory over Brock Lesnar at No Way Out 2004, and yes, I am in my feelings about Latino Heat again. More professional wrestling In 1997, Eddie Guerrero and Rey Mysterio Jr. Wrestled a Perfect Match The Royal Rumble Is…

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Simps Don’t Be Sad: AEW Women’s Eliminator Tournament Night 1

Last week, in reviewing the first match of AEW’s Women’s Championship Eliminator tournament, I said that it might be the AEW women’s divisions long-awaited breakout moment. This week, the tournament produced what might stand for the rest of 2021 as the best single unit of television produced under the banner…

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