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Colette Arrand

Colette Arrand is a minor transsexual poet and nu-metal enthusiast.


The Fancies 2021: Colette Arrand’s Top Wrestling Games

Unless we’re looking at AEW Casino and AEW Elite GM as full-fledged wrestling games, 2021’s default wrestling game of the year was Retrosoft Studio’s RetroMania Wrestling, a classic arcade game evoking the beloved WWF WrestleFest coin-0p that I did not play on account of its roster not appealing to me beyond the Road Warriors…

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wwe crush hour

FEATURES

CM Punk and Sting’s Facepaint: A Review

Last night, Sting wrestled in the Greensboro Coliseum, the venue in which his superstardom was launched due to his Clash of the Champions match against “Nature Boy” Ric Flair. AEW has done a good job of treating Sting matches as celebrations of the places that mattered to his career, and…

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Sting CM Punk Facepaint

WRESTLING

This Steve Austin Shirt I Found On Depop: A Review

In the late 1990s, Stone Cold Steve Austin was a license to print money. Beyond the ubiquitous Austin 3:16 shirt, which had more variants than there are stars in the sky, the World Wrestling Federation really went to work on the Texas Rattlesnake. Some shirts—Blood From a Stone, Rattlesnake Arms—are…

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Steve Austin NYPD Shirt

WRESTLING

Bryan Danielson’s Jumping Jacks: A Review

Last night, Bryan Danielson and “Hangman” Adam Page wrestled to a 60-minute time limit draw. It was a brilliant match, utterly breathtaking in the way it wasted exactly zero of the 60 minutes it was given, full of references to other epic championship clashes and even more packed with its…

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Bryan Danielson Jumping Jack AEW

WRESTLING

The AEW Debut of Hook: A Review

Hook, the chip eating, ringside vulturing, dragon sleeper utilizing son of Taz, the head honcho of the eponymous Team Taz, debuted tonight on AEW Rampage against Fuego del Sol. The build to Hook’s debut, and the attention paid to it, was one of the strangest developments in professional wrestling this…

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Hook Team Taz AEW

WRESTLING

Bron Breakker’s Use of Bolt Cutters at NXT Takeover War Games: A Review

So, the War Games cage got padlocked shut last night in an effort to keep the babyface team of Guys What Who Haven’t Been Drafted to Raw or SmackDown from interfering in the team of Literally Got Here Three Weeks Ago’s scheme to maintain advantage throughout the match. It didn’t…

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WRESTLING

Billy Gunn’s Tattoo Choker: A Review

Billy Gunn’s tattoo choker is like a cherry on top of a sundae. In Gunn himself, you’ve got all of the elements of a good time: ice cream, nuts, whipped cream, chocolate sauce, and the time and solitude required to assemble those elements as opposed to horking down a pint…

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WRESTLING

WWE Deserves to Fail

Yesterday, per Sean Ross Sapp of Fightful, WWE released John Morrison, Top Dolla, Ashante Adonis, Isaiah “Swerve” Scott, Tegan Nox, Drake Maverick, Shane Thorne, and Jaxson Ryker. Regardless of what you think of the talent listed on an individual basis, those are eight more names in an absolute bloodbath of…

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Vince McMahon Money

WRESTLING

MJF Constantly Adjusting His Jock at Full Gear: A Review

Depending on the kind of wrestling you enjoy, AEW Full Gear 2021’s opening contest, Darby Allin vs. Maxwell Jacob Friedman, was somewhere between “pretty good” and “fantastic.” I was somewhere towards the middle of the spectrum on the “pretty good” side of things—the action was good, but I found myself…

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WRESTLING

Dominic Garrini and Minoru Suzuki Made Me Love Indie Wrestling Again

I did not go to Fargo to have my love of independent professional wrestling rekindled. All I wanted was to see Minoru Suzuki, the bonus being that he was wrestling Dominic Garrini, a wrestler I knew and felt very attached to despite our paths never crossing. But how do you…

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WRESTLING

For Dominic Garrini, Minoru Suzuki Is More Than a Dream Opponent

I’m going to begin this interview with Dominic Garrini as if this was a personal essay, because in some ways it is. The two of us come from the same territory, so to speak, Cleveland’s Absolute Intense Wrestling, and while I consider myself a critic capable of expressing displeasure in…

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WRESTLING

The Greatest Wrestler of All Time (The Third Ten)

There is no scientific methodology to declaring the Greatest Wrestler of All Time. Like judges know pornography, I know the Greatest Wrestler of All Time when I see them. That’s is, I swear, how I’m making this list, how I have chosen to explain how 100 different wrestlers can simultaneously…

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Hook Team Taz AEW

WRESTLING

Alexa Bliss’ Doll Lilly: A Review

I will not pretend to understand anything about Fiend Lore, because there is nothing to understand. That’s not a knock on Bray Wyatt—the guy’s whole thing was vaguely making reference to a tortured past as an omen to an apocalypticly wonderful future, and it didn’t really matter if he was…

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WRESTLING

The Greatest Wrestler of All Time (The Second Ten)

(Previously in the Greatest Wrestler of All Time: The First Ten) Only hundreds of people can be the Greatest Wrestler of All Time. Well, possibly thousands. See, throughout the history of the great sport of professional wrestling, there’ve been an uncountable number of professional wrestlers. A real “grains of sand…

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WRESTLING

Sting Finally Blending His Makeup: A Review

HE DID IT, GUYS! STING FINALLY DID IT! HE APPLIED HIS MAKEUP IN SUCH A WAY THAT SUGGESTS THAT HE KNOWS THAT HIS FACE IS NOT A ROUGH ASSEMBLAGE OF STRAIGHT LINES. I AM YELLING BECAUSE I AM HAPPY. WE DID IT. More Professional Wrestling Microreviews Roderick Strong Becoming Cruiserweight…

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WRESTLING

The Greatest Wrestler of All Time (The First 10)

This is not a list. I cannot stress that enough. I love lists, I like how they reveal the biases and blind spots of the communities that put them together, but this is not a list. Rather, it is a gathering together of wrestlers who I have (or would) called…

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WRESTLING

NXT 2.0’s Set: A Review

Confusingly referred to as NXT 2.0 despite this being the fourth iteration of the concept, the all-new, all-different developmental show came out swinging immediately, doing away with Triple H’s Capital Wrestling Center mancave for something brighter, cleaner, and unlike anything else in wrestling right now. Reaction on the set and…

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WRESTLING

CM Punk’s Longboys: A Review

The last thing I expected from CM Punk’s return to professional wrestling was new gear. Beyond the touch of grey in his beard and the happiness with which he seems to have approached his new environs, everything else about him—the irreverence, the theme music, the way he calls out to…

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WRESTLING

“The Demon” Finn Bálor: A Review

After a terrible night for Roman Reigns, he and his family were visited by a demon, The Demon Finn Bálor. Having not appeared since a SmackDown filmed in Saudi Arabia in 2019, Bálor’s alter ego skulked the aisle of Madison Square Garden, putting the cherry on top of the sundae that…

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WRESTLING

Screaming KAZE NI NARE at the Top of My Lungs: A Review

I never thought I’d get to see Minoru Suzuki live. This is what happens when your favorite wrestlers are older and not from around here. You accept it, you appreciate them from afar, and you wonder how cool it would have been to actually watch them perform. Well, I’ve seen…

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WRESTLING