Colette Arrand

Colette Arrand Aug 5, 2022. 2 minute read

Jungle Boy Calling Christian Cage a Pussy: A Review

In short, I hate it. For months, Christian Cage has bodied a mostly-absent Jungle Boy on the mic, insulting his deceased father Luke Perry and offering to sleep with his mom. It’s been great. Seriously. I’m a big fan of Christian, particularly as a heel, and his turn as a…

Colette Arrand Jul 26, 2022. 14 minute read

The Greatest Wrestler of All Time (The Fifth and Sixth Ten)

The Rock. Steve Austin. Ric Flair. Randy Savage. When I took up the task of naming The Greatest Wrestler of All Time, it was partially out of frustration with similar pieces (though, those being ranked lists, they weren’t similar at all) where the same names kept cropping up. If pieces…

Colette Arrand Jul 22, 2022. Less than a minute

“Thank You Vince” Chants: A Review

Colette Arrand Jul 22, 2022. 4 minute read

Vince McMahon Has Retired

I don’t know how to begin covering what is possibly the biggest story in the history of professional wrestling. Vince McMahon is retiring from WWE. In his tweet and in WWE’s press release containing his statement on the matter, McMahon led with the fact that he is 77, intimating that…

Colette Arrand Jul 22, 2022. 6 minute read

I Hope Triple H Starts Pointing at People Again

WWE announced today that Paul “Triple H” Levesque has been installed as the Executive Vice President of Talent Relations. Given that John Laurinaitis is ensnared in an ongoing investigation into his (and Vince McMahon’s) alleged use of company funds to buy the silence of employees with whom he’s alleged to…

Colette Arrand Jul 20, 2022. 4 minute read

Nobody Has a Lariat Like Stan Hansen’s Western Lariat

Before understanding Stan Hansen’s Western Lariat, it’s important to consider what a lariat/clothesline is. I don’t mean the mechanism — at its simplest, one wrestler sticks his arm out and takes off the head of another with it, one of the most no muss, no fuss moves in professional wrestling…

Colette Arrand Jul 20, 2022. 4 minute read

A Field Guide to the Gimmicks of NXT 2.0

I watched NXT 2.0 last night. No, no, hold your applause and save your medals; I, like all of you, am human, and humans tend to fuck up from time to time. It is no secret that NXT 2.0, once a jewel in the crown of WWE’s unquestioned dominance over…

Colette Arrand Jul 18, 2022. 3 minute read

It Is Now Andrade El Idolo, Jay Lethal, and Jeff Jarrett’s Task to Keep Ric Flair Alive

At last, the world knows what Ric Flair’s last match will be: him and Andrade El Idolo vs. Jay Lethal and Jeff Jarrett. A 24-minute hype package that weaved together Flair’s working with Jay Lethal to get ready for his match, the question of whether or not Jeff Jarrett was…

Colette Arrand Jul 14, 2022. 2 minute read

Wrestling Fans Who Yell “Grab His Dick and Twist It!”: A Review

I’ve seen a fair amount of live wrestling recently. In June, I went to Forbidden Door in Chicago and the Blood and Guts Dynamite in Detroit. Last night, I was in Savannah, Georgia for Dynamite. I’ve seen three other AEW shows besides, and between all six of them, they’ve had…

Colette Arrand Jul 13, 2022. 2 minute read

The French Fries Bret Hart and Sean Waltman Aren’t Eating: A Review

Today is Sean Waltman’s 50th birthday! We’re also two days out from the anniversary of Bret Hart vs. 1-2-3 Kid, which is one of, if not the, greatest matches in the history of Monday Night Raw. Both of these things are worth celebrating. In fact, many writers have. So instead of…

Colette Arrand Jul 8, 2022. 8 minute read

We Need to Change the Way We Talk About Chris Benoit

Chris Benoit is one of the best wrestlers of all time. Chris Benoit also murdered his wife, Nancy, and his son, Daniel, before hanging himself over a three day period in June 2007. Leaving aside the issue of individual taste, the former statement is widely held to be true and…

Colette Arrand Jul 2, 2022. 8 minute read

If There Is an Ethical Way to Watch WWE, It Is Via Piracy

Money in the Bank, WWE’s failed attempt at turning a lukewarm narrative conceit into another stadium show, airs this Sunday on Peacock/WWE Network. Please do not pay for the pleasure of either means of watching WWE’s product. Actually, let me walk that back: I love The ‘Cock. It features great…

Colette Arrand Jun 29, 2022. 6 minute read

Wheeler YUTA Is the Lex Luger of the Blackpool Combat Club

Please, before you boo me off of Fanfyte, let me explain. Wrestling stables are pretty interesting. They’re meant to be, obviously, a gathering of formerly disparate talents in the name of a common cause. A stable can come in three configurations before becoming a faction: there’s the three person stable,…

Colette Arrand Jun 28, 2022. 2 minute read

Alien Ant Farm’s “Smooth Criminal” Wrestling Ring: A Review

Ah, the wrestling ring. Is there a more beautiful stage than the squared circle? When people pull the “wrestling is a universal language” card, not enough of them point to the ring as proof, preferring things like “narrative” and “the ability to perform through a language barrier” instead, but let…

Colette Arrand Jun 18, 2022. 5 minute read

On SmackDown, Vince McMahon Asserted Himself As the Center of His Industry

Yesterday, at 9:19am, the WWE Twitter account announced that Mr. McMahon would open SmackDown. It is crucial that they said Mr. McMahon and not Vince McMahon, as, since 1997, there has been some separation between the Vince McMahon who runs WWE in reality, and the Mr. McMahon who runs the…

Colette Arrand Jun 17, 2022. 3 minute read

Tonight, Vince McMahon Addresses His Enemies

Tonight, on SmackDown, Vince McMahon will reportedly appear in character as Mr. McMahon to address the allegations made against him in Wednesday’s bombshell Wall Street Journal report about his alleged use of company funds to buy the silence of several mistresses. Stephanie McMahon, who recently went on hiatus from her…

Colette Arrand Jun 16, 2022. 7 minute read

Vince McMahon Losing the Reins of WWE Is No Longer Impossible

Yesterday, The Wall Street Journal reported that the board of World Wrestling Entertainment was investigating a secret $3 million settlement paid by Vince McMahon to an exiting employee in January of last year. There is so much to say about this, much of which the WSJ has already done, probing…

Colette Arrand Jun 13, 2022. 2 minute read

The Men’s Money in the Bank Briefcase Being Larger than the Women’s: A Review

It’s Money in the Bank season! While I think Money in the Bank is one of the worst things Chris Jericho did to wrestling, I love briefcases. Sometimes Harley Race has a ton of money in it. Sometimes Mongo McMichael is gonna whack a geek with one. Those are the…

Colette Arrand Jun 13, 2022. 7 minute read

How Many Second Chances Do Wrestlers Like Jeff Hardy Get?

Jeff Hardy was arrested in Volusia County, Florida yesterday on multiple charges and was booked at 12:45 this afternoon. According to the police report, he was driving under the influence of alcohol on a suspended or restricted license. It’s the DUI that stands out, as its his third in less…

Colette Arrand Jun 12, 2022. 6 minute read

The Greatest Wrestler of All Time (The Fourth Ten)

Yes, it has been awhile since I’ve written about the Greatest Wrestler of All Time, but it’s not for lack of Greatest Wrestler of All Times-es. If you remember, this project started because a friend of mine who doesn’t care about wrestling called me to the floor for naming at…